I have so many questions about heaven. Is there one? I think there is but I don’t believe it’s a place as much as a state of being. I have a lot of friends who go to many different churches that all teach different things. I’ve gone with a few friends to the church they say is the “right” church but I don’t really know where I should go to worship. I read my bible and talk to friends about God and everyone seems to have a different take on religion. I know I don’t want to make the mistake of worshiping the “wrong” way and end up in hell…if such a place exists, so I’m trying to figure this all out. Even the bible confuses me because it talks about men being the superior and killing their wives for some offences and some of them had many wives? I don’t get it. I know that that was a different time and things were done differentially but it seems like death being a punishment is a little bit extreme. I want to believe that God is an all-knowing all loving God and there’s only one of him and he will come to take me to heaven when I die. Does that sound terrible? I want to believe that when I die I’ll see the family and friends that went there before me and we’ll have a wonderful reunion. I don’t think that’s too much to ask either after all the crap I’ve put up with in this lifetime. I like to think that God will understand if I’m a little bit hostile about all the pain I’ve had to endure but then again maybe this life is preparing me for something greater and more wonderful that I can’t even imagine. I think if I could have any question answered before I die it would be where do we go?
My dog Sandy, who I loved dearly, was very sick a few years ago and I had to make the decision of whether to put her to sleep or watch her die painfully. Of course I put her to sleep because I was sure that she would then be out of pain, however it broke my heart to lose her. She was with me everyday all day and was the most loving companion and pet I ever had. I didn’t want her to suffer so I decided to let her suffering stop and watched her fall asleep in my arms. It was one of the most painful times in my life but I was sure that I was doing the right thing for her. I wish I had that kind of strength now. Is it a coward who lives with terrible sickness and pain or a heroic one? When is it OK to say you’ve had enough? How can we be sure that we’ll go to heaven if no one has ever see it? I know there are people who would say that that is where faith comes in, and I want to have faith I really do. I want to go to heaven when I die so I can wait there for my husband and my children, to welcome them in after they’ve put their time in on earth. I’ve also been told that heaven is only for people, I don’t like that, because I’ll bet that Sandy could answer a few questions for me.
Oh, the phone calls I’m gonna get from this…
So I’ll pray that I get to become a person with stronger faith in the unknown. I’ll pray that everything I’ve heard about and how wonderful it is will be so. I’ll pray that I can be a better example to other people whether its friends or family or perfect strangers. I’ll pray that when I die I’ll see God for myself and he’ll tell me that I did a great job. Most of all, I’ll pray that I have been a good enough person in this life to get the answers to all of my questions. I hate not knowing what comes next.