# 9 I feel a little bit better now.


For some reason I do feel a little bit more comfortable about having the treatments for my cancer although I don’t know what all I have to have done. Now I know that I’ll be having a power port implanted in my chest to make it easier for the nurses to get IV access to me for drawing blood or giving me any IV meds. I was supposed to have surgery yesterday but because I haven’t had my PET scan done yet it had to be postponed. I found out that I’ll be seeing my plastic surgeon the first week of december and then I’ll have an all day surgery for the mastectomy and the reconstruction to get started all at once and I’ll also be having a surgery sometime soon to have the power port put in so I can have the pet scan. I didn’t know they would need to put an IV in me for the pet scan or I would have already had it done, so now it’ll take a little bit longer but that’s OK.

I went over to my mother’s house to start putting together tiny bridges and little frosting covered tiny trees to build a gingerbread house village for my nephew for christmas. My mother loves to make things like that for him and somehow I end up helping with it every time, although my kids are a little too old to enjoy things like that anymore. I have a feeling I’ll be building more tiny things before the holidays. My daughter called from North Carolina to ask if I could have my mother make another Christmas stocking for her to put up at her aunt’s house for her so I want to try to make it for her. I’ve never made one myself so I want to try it out. It will give me something to do and hopefully it’ll help keep my mind off everything else going on right now. Sometimes just doing little things like making Christmas decorations or deciding on what to make for Thanksgiving dinner gives me a different perspective on things. Also, having things to look forward to other than surgeries and treatments puts me in a much better mood. I’m really trying to keep from being too angry or only thinking about all the bad things so I don’t stay in a bad mood all the time. I know my family will appreciate that because I can be terrible to be around when I’m sick or something is bothering me. I like to think that I’m a person who can take bad news and turn in into something good but It’s really difficult to do that when all I’m hearing is bad news. I have a lot of things on my plate right now and I would love to tell you that I’ll handle it all with a great attitude but I won’t tell you that because I just don’t know. If my dad were here he would make a joke about whatever was bothering me and everything wouldn’t seem so bad. I think he would be proud of me for handling things like I am and doing the best I can with what I’m given. He tought me a lot about getting through tough times with a good attitude, not that I always have a good attitude but I do try and for the most part it works. I am glad that he isn’t here so see me go through having another kind of cancer but at the same time I wish he were here. I miss my dad. He would know what to say to make everything seem better. I hope I can remember to be more like him when things get harder to handle.

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