#15 An early Christmas gift.

I couldn’t stand waiting to hear from my Oncologists office about the results of my pet scan so while Bob (our Pomeranian) was getting groomed and Rick was at the dentist’s office I snuck off to the imaging place where I had the pet scan done and asked for a copy of the report that was sent to my Dr. I’ve had the unwanted pleasure of having to read many medical reports over the years so I could understand most of what it said, and it was good news, to me anyway. From what I could decipher it only said that they could see the tumors that I already knew about and nothing more was found. There were a few sentences that I have to admit that I didn’t completely understand it all, but it looked good to me. So now the treatment can be planned out and the surgeries can be done. I’m pretty sure that because I want to go through as little pain as possible at a time, I’m going to have the breast completely removed without starting the reconstruction until after I’ve finished the chemotherapy. That way I can decide later what kind of reconstruction I want and what is going to let me have the least pain while I’m doing the chemo. Although I’m the one actually going through having cancer my entire family is going through it with me and a lot of my care at home is going to fall on them so I also don’t want to overwhelm them when they will be busy just taking care of me while also seeing to all the everyday matters that I would normally be handling. I’m surprised that none of them have mentioned, to me anyway, the constant mood swings and temper tantrums I’ve been throwing at them usually without any reason or notice for that matter. My friends are doing great at just being there for me when I need to talk or vent and have also been handling this better that I thought they would. Apparently I have chosen my friends wisely and although you can’t pick who your family is…I got very lucky in that respect too. I would need millions of dollars and hundreds of years show everyone how much all the little things they do for me and Rick make my life more bearable. We all chose a name from a hat to pick a family member to buy a gift for to put under the Christmas tree and I wanted them all but unfortunately mom only let me have one. I still want to try to do a little something for everyone but I just don’t know what to do. I think all of the medical problems that Rick is going through as well as me having to have chemo at the same time is forcing us both to really put a lot of thought into what we want to do in our lives. Too many people never get a wake up call like what we’re getting and I think it’s making us better people for it. I have always said everything happens for a reason and I know that it’s true because I can see things a lot more clearly now but don’t ask me to explain it because I don’t think I could. I’m just so grateful for what and who I have in my life. I hope I’m worthy of it all, at least I’m trying to be. I noticed lately that I stop to look and really see things like the weather and how much our pets love on us both all the time and just having the chance to spend quiet time together without any interruptions. It’s ironic how many things people overlook everyday just because they have so many things to do when most of those things aren’t important at all. It’s just too bad that it took such a major shock to us both to open our eyes to what truly matters. I hope more people get to see all the really great things they have going for them too.


2 thoughts on “#15 An early Christmas gift.

  1. Merry Christmas, Sunshine!
    I am so happy for you -and all of us, too (family and friends). I hope we all take this “reality check” you mention and “check” ourselves. I have been -but can do better. I am so thankful that you are all that you are -not that you’re ~all that~ (just kidding, sis) but you make others think about what they’d do if it were happening to them, and I, for one, wonder if I’d come up a bit short. I think we all have strengths and areas we could strengthen.
    You help shine a light that says this is crap, this is me and this crap, this is me on a crappy day, and now this is just me -crap is crap, we all have some, let’s just get on with life; whichever way it goes. You take the good, the bad and the ugly, and manage to be so open with sharing it all … you let us know you’re asking all the questions we want to ask you, giving us answers (sometimes without even knowing it), without pushing us away on your darkest days. You let us in, with all our worries and doubts and concerns and tears, you give us space to deal with what we can -even though you don’t have that luxury- and love us all every minute of it. You’re not some perfect being that has all the “right” answers, you’re human, you’re scared, you’re mad, you’re angry, you’re hurt, you’re confused, you don’t know why. You do know you’re loved and you found a way to get the support you need for you, and those of us around you,
    So you wonder why we read your blogs … this is just the tip of the iceburg, sweetie.
    I love you so much!

  2. Thank you so very much for letting me know that when I spill my gutts on this blog that I’m doing the right thing. I was really worried that I might be saying too much or saying things that would have people thinking that I’m crazy, so it means everything to me to know that puttung everything in my head out there for the world to see is the right thing for me to do. It does help me to process everything that’s happening and I hope that it also answers all the questions that I would be getting if I weren’t writing it all down. Thank you for being there for me. Love U, Cin

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