When I wasn’t feeling well yesterday morning I called my best friend Diane and told her that if she didn’t take me to get my long hair cut off I was gonna chicken out. She came over even though she hadn’t finished her morning coffee and we went together to have our hair donated to Locks Of Love. I was nervous the whole two miles we had to go to get there and shook the whole time I was telling the woman at the desk that I had Breast Cancer and needed to have my hair all cut off because the chemo was going to make it all fall out soon. She looked at me just like everyone else does lately and showed me to the chair, took my crutches and purse and put the black cape over me. I shook the entire time but Diane was talking me through it and they put her in the chair right next to me. I could hear the girl who was cutting her hair talking about her grandmother who had Breast Cancer and how all the men in her family took straight razors and shaved their hair completely off. I’m so sick of hearing about other people’s relatives and friends who have gone through this and how strong they were and usually the story ends with “but she died”.
This morning I’m listening to Nora Jones and I feel better, lighter literally. I don’t have the heavy emotions that I have had recently and I actually feel really good, except for the cough and the headache…but I’m getting used to that. I need to be completely healthy to have the surgery so I need to get healthy quickly. Rick is being very supportive about the hair cut although I know it broke his heart to see me cut it all off, but I like it. Today I don’t have the grief hanging over me that most days I have to deal with and that’s so refreshing I can’t even put it into words. I’m really happy that I’m writing down everything that I think and feel so I don’t have to try to keep explaining it to everyone. This morning I wanna do everything that I’ve been putting off even the spring cleaning that is so hard on me. It makes me feel better to see that my house is well-kept and everything is where it should be.
The music today is putting me in such a good mood that I don’t know what to do with myself. I know it sounds like I’m bipolar…and maybe I am, I don’t know and I don’t care. I just try to get through all these days any way I can and the music seems to fit my mood or possibly the music is changing my mood. I’m going to end this one with a letter to Santa that I posted on my Facebook page thinking that I would get not so good reactions to but instead a lot of people actually saw the humor I intended to write it with.
I have everything I want already so I won’t be asking for anything for Christmas this year…. except for that livingroom picture that I really liked, and the M&Ms cause I’m running low, and new carpet, and a new bed, and family room furniture, and a giant tricycle, and some candles, and an office chair, and to keep all the body parts I have left.
My Dear Husband responded to it with this.
Dear Cindy, Since you’ve already had a tricycle I don’t see why you can’t have another later. The furniture elves are all laid off because of Obama-economics so I can’t do the furniture thing anymore. I am told your husband has a camera, so you have the capabilities to get any picture you want. As for the body parts……..I have a nice jar. Love, Santa