#23 This morning I hurt a little more….


I had a great day yesterday and got lots of sleep last night but since I woke up this morning I can actually feel a lot of pain in my breast right where the primary tumor is. I’ve had a bit of pain for a few months now but this feels different. I’ve also had some pains in my left chest but I think that’s because I’ve had a cough and I’m pulling on the muscle where the chest tube was not too long ago every time I cough. The right side actually hurts more than the left and I don’t have to be moving or doing anything to feel it. It feels like it’s had a growth spurt over night, it feels bigger…not a lot bigger but enough to cause me to hurt I guess. I just took my morning handful of pills(breakfast) and I’m waiting for my coffee but I think my coffee maker is broken…it’s taking way too long to spit out my coffee. I’m listening to Nora Jones so that’s making me feel a little bit better. It seems like if I’m in a good mood I don’t feel pain the same way as if I were in a terrible mood…go figure. I don’t have anything planned for today except for doing a little bit of housework, I can usually do what ever I want to do in the morning, but by lunch time I’m done for the day, I just run out of energy. Luckily, Rick has taken over most of the everyday things that need to be done so I don’t run around trying to do everything I used to do because it just wouldn’t get done. I think I need to get more done in the morning when I feel energetic enough. I’m trying to remember that I could be way worse off than I am so I should make the most out of what I can do and what I do have, but often that’s easier said than done. I want to do some yard work today and help Rick clean the pool…my front patio definitely needs to be swept because I had to walk around a pile of leaves to get into my front door yesterday and almost fell…that would’ve sucked really bad! I know that if I don’t spend enough time outside in the sun I will have to take vitamin D pills and I think if I can do anything, anything at all to keep from having to take any more pills than I already have to I should do that. So, it’s looking like as soon as my coffee kicks in I’ll get dressed in warm clothes and hop in my new comfy wheelchair and go outside for a while and see what kind of trouble I can get into. I miss spending my afternoons in my yard doing what ever needs to be done. Rick hates yard work, not to mention he can’t physically do most of what I like to do, like pulling weeds and cleaning up the yard and the rocks out front. I wish I had a pair of gloves, I’ll have to find some so my hands don’t freeze while I’m digging around in the yard and the leaves. I can’t believe how cold it’s been here lately, we went straight from summer this year right into a cold winter and that’s very unusual for Phoenix. I think we might even see snow this year although if we do it won’t actually hit the ground.

Emotionally I feel just fine today even though I don’t feel perfect physically but that doesn’t really matter as much to me. I’m trying to learn how to look past some of the things that cause me to be in any pain so I don’t just quit trying to do anything. How boring would it be to just sit around waiting for the next pain or problem. I’d rather try to get through each day the best way I can and keep trying to have as normal of a life as I can, while I still can. I know I’m soon going to have to go to tons of Dr’s appointments, more than I do now, and I’ll be spending a bit more time in the hospital but that doesn’t mean that I have to just sit here and wait for everything to happen to me. I want to keep what I have left right now so if anyone needs me today…I’ll be outside.

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