I wasn’t feeling very well a few days ago so I went back to the er to have an x-ray done of my chest to see why it hurt to breathe. They did the x-ray and took some blood and the Dr came back and told me that I had pneumonia again and that my sodium level dropped and the only way to fix it was to hook me back up to an IV and give me meds for it. I asked why my sodium level would drop and I was told that it happens after continued vomiting or diarrhea and I haven’t had either one of those things. I do only drink water and coffee but I hadn’t drunk any more water than I usually do. I was having to take a lot of pain meds and I still had a hard time breathing and having chest pain so I had a heart ultrasound done and when they finally figured out that my heart was fine the Dr went over all of the tests from the last time I was there and the ones that I just had and told me that I now need two biopsies done. I still need the four enlarged lymph nodes under my left arm checked out and now I’m told that I also need a lung biopsy done. I asked the Dr specifically if he was telling me that I have lung cancer and he said yes. I think I can’t be sure until after the lung biopsy though. I don’t just trust the word of any Dr anymore but he did say that he could see it on the scans of my lungs. Rick called the new oncologist for me while I was in the hospital and explained everything to her what was happening and she said that she would be happy to help me figure out what to do as far as treatment anyway. I don’t like having every decision that I make be a life or death decision. I prefer to pick what color I want my new carpet to be or what kind of vegetable to have with dinner. This cancer crap sucks! I feel better for a few days and just when I start to get back to having a normal life I get hit with something else. I didn’t sleep much in the last few days but last night when I came home I went upstairs and crawled into my own bed and woke up this morning. I even slept in until seven instead of my normal four thirty. It’s so nice to be home again. I’ve talked over my decision about chemo with Rick and I’ve decided not to have chemo. I will look into other treatments but the rate at which my cancer is growing I don’t want to poison myself if it would only keep me alive for a few more months and that whole time I would be sick. No thanks. I want to enjoy what I still have while I can. I didn’t give myself this disease and if I could get rid of it I would. I know that many people believe that chemo is the answer to cancer but it’s only a diversion and the chemo it’s self kills people. I am hoping that the new oncologist will have some way for me to at least get into remission for a while, from what I’m told about her she will be the best fit for me. I’ll be seeing her sometime in the next few days. My pain isn’t as bad this morning and I’ve had my coffee so hopefully I can make it upstairs to have a nice hot bath and then I’ll be calling around to find out where to go to get a mastectomy bra. Let’s just say that my bras no longer fit me correctly. Rick suggested that I have mom make me a D cup size corn bag and stick it in my bra…I’m thinking no.