#37 I broke my own rule

I know I’ve been going on and on about wanting to get outside and start doing all of the things that I used to do. I had a routine every day that started with making my coffee and feeding Cali, taking all my daily pills and vitamins and checking in on my fb account for about thirty minutes while I drank my coffee and let my pills start working so that I could then get dressed and go outside to sweep or pull weeds (I’ll be the first to admit that I have a fascination with weed pulling) all while drinking more coffee. By nine in the morning I would be dressed in my work-out clothes and head out for a two-mile walk with Rick. Lunch was at noon, kitchen cleaning after lunch and dinner and my sleeping pills at exactly five o’clock and upstairs to read my book in bed by eight…definately asleep by eight-thirty. I started doing this routine because I wasn’t sleeping, I was in a lot of pain and I figured out one day when I started doing all these things at these times that I could sleep through the entire night and I just felt so much better. Of course I also added in other projects and chores during the day but these ones that I just told you about are the ones that happen everyday no matter what…as long as I’m not in the hospital of course. Ever since my mastectomy I’ve been off of my schedule because I just wasn’t able to get up and do any of it for a few weeks and now that I can, I want to do everything just like I would have done before. Anyone who has spent any amount of time in my home will be able to contest to the fact that because my house is way too big for just Rick and I that it can take me up to an entire week to accomplish all of the housework that needs to be done. I’ve decided that I would just continually do chores everyday depending on what I was physically able to do each day. I can’t count how many time I’ve had friends over and my poor poor friends end up helping me clean my house. Just so everyone knows…I’m not complaining about having to do a lot of chores, or that it seems to take me forever to do and I never feel like I’m finished. I think it’s the only thing that keeps me sane now that Rick and I can’t be in a Tow Truck. We were working eighteen to twenty hour days before and now…nothing. I feel like continually working in my house and in my yard helps me stay busy and keeps me from just chillin on a couch. My house and yard have become my job and I’m grateful for my job. I love seeing everything when I’m finished with everything because I know how hard it was for me to do and that’s the best kind of work, to me anyway. Ok, so the day before yesterday I was feeling well enough to go outside in the sunshine(not really…it had just rained) and pull the weeds that were growing up the side yard where my neighbor has to see it every time she goes outside. I saw this as my good deed for my neighbors and dug around with my tiny shovel until I made it all the way up the side of my driveway, then I realized that I had done a bit too much and surrendered for the day. Yesterday I put on my gloves, grabbed a grocery bag and tiny shovel and went for the other side of the driveway. I didn’t even make it up half-way to the house and I had to quit because I couldn’t lift my right arm without using my left arm to lift the right. That made me a tiny bit angry (really I was seriously pissed off) because I’ve always known that I’m not like everyone else and I can only strained my body so much before it just stops working. I’m fine with that part. Where I broke my own rule was(like Georgia Rules I have many, many Cindy rules) when I knew what I was doing was hurting me really very badly and I didn’t stop. I tried to push through the pain. “Pain is weakness leaving the body”. Right? No, for me pain is when I have to stop what I’m doing and try again tomorrow. I knew that all I was doing was making things harder but I couldn’t help but try to finish my chore. You know the movie “Liar,Liar” where in one scene he says “I’m kickin my own ass!” well that’s what I would love to be able to do sometimes, kick my own ass for not being the body that I needed it to be. Mom came over yesterday and wanted me to help her make more corn bags and I told her that I had to finish my yard work…I should’ve made the damn corn bags, then I wouldn’t be trying to get my arm working correctly this morning. I never did finish pulling the weeds.


4 thoughts on “#37 I broke my own rule

  1. I hate when people say that, “Pain is weakness leaving the body” Sometimes pain is just pain.

    I have a question for you. Why do you blog?

    • I blog because I’m right in the middle of having (stage 3-4)Breast Cancer and I’ve already had Bone Cancer and lost my leg, now I’ve lost a breast. I have no clue how much longer I’ll be alive and if I do live through cancer again I’ll have my blog to look back on because I’ve already lost a lot of my memory from the two rounds of chemo I had as a teenager. I also have an extended family and it’s easier for me to write everything down once and let them all have a way to keep up with what’s going on with me without repeating myself. I think the “pain” comment is a military thing because I got it from my brother-in-law(he was a Marine and is now Army) during a 5k run we did last year. I wish I had more exciting things to write about but really it’s just about me, if you want to read more about how it started just go back to the #1 and #2 posts I wrote, on the right side of my blog there’s a list of months and I think all you have to do is click on september or october…I think that’s when I started. Thank you for checkin out my blog. I think everyone should have one.

I would enjoy reading any comments you have, so please leave a reply or any questions!

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