#41 I know how to end the scarf now


My youngest, my daughter Jessica, just finish earning all the credits she needed to graduate high school this week. She’ll be walking with the 2012 class in May. I still wake up sometimes and think I need to get up and get both of my kids ready for school, but when I sit up I bed I realize that they don’t even live here anymore and all I have to do is make my coffee. It’s so wonderful to have peace and quiet in the house and be able to do whatever I want to do everyday, and I certainly don’t miss the morning scramble to get them on a school bus. Justin is doing great in New Hampshire and Jesse is now job hunting like her life depends on it, she has to earn money to help her friends pay bills in their apartment. Jesse does come by every few days and Justin calls me every day so I still get to know what they’re doing most of the time anyway. I like hearing them talk about grown-up things like bills and medical insurance, and lets not forget groceries. Rick and I have all the time in the world to do whatever we want but it’s funny that now that we have the time we don’t feel well enough to go anywhere most days. Mom tried to get me to go out to dinner last night and I had to send Rick without me because I’ve been so tired lately that all I’ve been able to do is sit in the little recliner and crochet scarves for Justin and Ashley, Justin told me they needed them because it’s so cold where they are and he works outside on a ranch. I tried to do chores in the yard and spent a few hours cleaning out all the leaves that were in the bottom of my pool and each time I do any work I end up not being able to move my right arm the next day. I thought making scarves would be a good way to keep me busy without hurting my arm and I was right. Did you know you can look up crocheting a beginner’s scarf or hat or whatever on you tube and they have whole videos with step by step instructions showing you every stitch and how to do it? I had no idea three days ago and now I’m able to make things, and they look like I know what I’m doing. My mothers been trying to teach me to crochet for years but all I could ever do was make the never-ending blanket because I didn’t know how to end it, even my kids when they were eight and ten would crochet little chains and other things and take them to school and sell them to the little girls to put on their hair for a dollar. Last week one of Jesse’s friend’s grandmother crocheted me a chemo hat and it’s really cute but very hot; if I do chemo it’ll be nice to have and the thought behind it was priceless. I think I’m going to try to look at how she did it and see if I can make one too, that should keep me busy all day. Rick made the appointments for the lung specialist and the ultrasound so in a few days I should know more about the spots that are showing up in my lungs. I do hate waiting but this quiet time around our house is just what I needed. I spent many, many years stopping fights and calming down screaming teenagers and lets not forget changing dirty diapers and cleaning up condiments off the living carpet, getting the emptied water cooler sucked out of the dining room rug. I don’t miss them being little at all, but I do think that them becoming nice well-mannered adults and moving out just when I was starting to be able to have a conversation with them without someone screaming, was a little backwards. I would have liked it better the other way around. I love a quiet house and I’m so very grateful for a husband who makes sure I don’t want for anything…ever. With the exception of having cancer…again…I have no complaints. I take that back, I am running low on M&M’s.

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