#46 I kinda already knew

Ever since I had the phone call from the lung doctor I kind of figured that I was about to have another surgery, and they did hint to that fact that I might have to have another biopsy when I saw him Tuesday anyway. When we pulled up to the doctor’s office Rick said, “let’s go see when he wants you to have surgery.” I told him that he didn’t know what was going to happen any more than I did and that he needed to wait and see what the doctor had to say. I guess being with me for so many years he pretty much knows what to expect. I only waited in the waiting room for a few minutes but to me it seemed more like hours before the nurse called me back to the exam room. The doctor came in and told me that when he spoke to my oncologist after my last appointment that she told him not to wait for blood test results and to get me to a cardio thoracic surgeon right away. They want me to have the lung biopsy as soon as I can, because even though I don’t have a definite cancer in my lungs,  if I do, it would be better to find out quickly what is going on so that way the oncologist can start treating it if it turns out to be cancerous. Better safe than sorry I guess, and although I’m not looking forward to having it done I am looking forward to having an answer to what the lung problem is. All they have to do is put a tube down my throat and go into my lungs to take a small sample and do their little tests on it. I know that during the procedure most people are given drugs to be consciously sedated but I always have to be put under general anesthesia because the twilight drugs never do work on me. More than once I’ve jumped off the operating table and run out of the room in a panic. I usually don’t have a problem convincing the surgeons to put me completely under and I really hope that this new surgeon will see things my way. I’m still very sore from my yard work the other day but I did manage to go to both doctor’s appointments and the pharmacy not to mention that I’ve already cleaned my kitchen since I came home and now I’m so tired and ready to just sit and relax for the rest of the day. I was hoping that I wouldn’t be having another procedure so soon, but it is what it is and I can’t just blow it off so I’m stuck dealing with it. The sooner I have it done the sooner I can move on to the next problem. It’s a really good thing that I can handle things like this without falling apart. If I was a sensitive woman I would be a mess all the time so I guess it’s good that I’m a woman with an attitude and can roll with the punches, but even I can get a little bit overwhelmed with everything going wrong every time I turn around. I found out that between the appointment I had Tuesday and the appointment I had today I’ve lost six pounds, and although I do have a few more pounds that I would love to get rid of,  losing it so quickly has got me a bit worried as to why it’s going so fast. I am trying to keep myself busy around the house and yard and Rick has been feeding me mostly healthy meals so that could be why I’ve lost weight. I only want to get back to being normal again, not that I was ever normal by other people standards but normal for me would be great. I know that so many other breast cancer patients have it so much worse than I do and I am grateful that what I’m going through is bearable, but there are some times when I wish that I could wake up and find out that this was all a bad dream. It’s so easy to say “keep your chin up”, it’s a whole other ball game to actually do it.


4 thoughts on “#46 I kinda already knew

  1. You sure have a way with the doctors -you’re on their Fast Track list! While I appreciate that you get seen quicker, it’s surprising all the same. Your description of this operation made me chuckle when you said, “… all they have to do …” =) Yep, just stick a big straw down my throat, then send a tiny little pair of tweezers, pinch off a smidge of my lung, then pull it all out! Snap! it’s all done! LOL
    The weight loss -you think it could have something to do with stress? Eating healthy and moving around is great … but stress can suck it out of you.
    I don’t think it’s the magic answer to everything, but did you see the article I sent you on FB about iodine deficiency? They’re talking about it possibly preventing BC -and helping prevent more once you have it- and thyroid problems and ADHD, etc… just a thought.
    I love you. Rest well & be gentle with yourself as you keep rolling with all these punches =)
    Give my best to Rick and here’s hoping he gets his surgery date soon!

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