#50 Confusion has definately set in

When I started this blog I was only trying to keep a record of my own thoughts and keep track of everything that was happening with my cancer but I’m not so sure that it’s working out like I had hoped it would. I tend to be a very direct person and usually don’t have any problem with saying what’s on my mind. I wrote a post the other day that upset some of my family members so badly that now I’m second guessing what I write. I’ve considered starting another blog just for me to rant about how I really feel without giving access to those family members therefore not causing the grief that came with my thoughts at that time. I do want to let everyone I know in on every bit of what I’m going through but I’m having a really difficult time saying anything that upsets the people who I love the most so this is really a problem for me. I just spent another week in the hospital and the only thing they figured out was that there was nothing to figure out. I went in because it hurt to breath and I felt like I had pneumonia again but I was told that it wasn’t pneumonia and to just try to deal with it at home. They didn’t try to down-play what I was feeling, they just told me that I could set up nursing at home to handle the pain. I think that’s a much better idea than spending at least one week a month in the hospital. I need to have the biopsies before I can even think about chemo (not that I want it) so I’m supposed to reschedule the surgeon appointment as soon as I can. Rick on the other hand has gone to his Independent Medical Examination (for the second time) for worker’s comp and it seems as though this one does believe that Rick needs surgery to fix the discs in his neck so it’s possible that we’ll be scheduling another try at him having his surgery. It seems like everything is just going in circles for both of us. I think it’s time for me to start my book and stop just ranting on here. I definitely have the time but I’ve never believed that I could write a book and that anyone would want to read it. The amount of people who read this blog has changed my mind. I may do a few more updates but as far as starting my book…There’s no time like the present.


6 thoughts on “#50 Confusion has definately set in

  1. Hi Cindys, how’s it going? I agree with what you said about sharing your feelings with your family. So when you starting your book? I had some good news my cancer has shrunk by 50% after two chemo’s. I hate having chemo I was bad again, my back went and ended up in bed and couldn’t move for days. My hair died had to have it all cut off very short. So my hair is very thin and to be honest I’ve had enough of chemo but you have to keep going.

    Love and hugs

    Alison ( breast cancer site)

    • Oh Ali, I’m so sorry that you have to go through all of this cancer crap. The only good I can find in it is that it could give you a long and happy life so endure what you can and then keep going when you think you can’t do it anymore. I hope it gets better for you.
      Love, Cin

  2. Sis…..

    Before you go through the trouble of writing a 2nd blog, try changing the view from public to private with password required. I do that with almost all my entries so that only certain people that I want to know certain things can get into it. Basically I use 2 passwords, one for people I trust, and another for people I REALLY trust and that determines which entries they can view. That way you can still use the same blog but if you want to go on a rant or give certain news or whatever, you are still in control who can see it. Plus that way later on when you go back to read it, ALL your thoughts are in one piece in date order so it’d be easier to follow. Its worked well for me so far. Maybe you should try that and see how it goes. If all else fails I’m sure you can still create a 2nd blog if you wanted to.

    Hope you’re feeling better….



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