#56 I wanna do things that I can’t

I spend a lot of time lately in the recliner that my mother gave me to make sure that I was comfortable (after my mastectomy )in my front livingroom. I was so happy when she sent my brother over here with it and now it’s become the thing I see most. I get a good look at the rest of my house but most days I’m just too tired to get up to clean anything or cook a meal. Rick has done most of the cooking anyway but there are times when I miss cooking for him, and believe it or not I miss doing the dishes too. Yesterday I didn’t do anything all day, so today I might have enough energy to get showered and dressed and go outside to do some yard work. Even my tan is starting to fade away. I need to dust and vacuum and put away the laundry but every time I try to do anything I get so tired that within an hour or so I have to stop whatever I’m doing and go back to my recliner. I’ve thought about having a few friends over all at once to help me clean but then I would have to be social for an entire day or even a few hours, and I don’t know how well that would go. I’ll figure it out…I have to. Jesse starts her new job today and this time she found work at a company right by our house, so she doesn’t have to drive and hour each way, not to mention that it’s a huge company so she’ll have benefits and this particular company won’t be going anywhere anytime in the near future. I have her Senior Speech hanging on my fridge so that she doesn’t lose it before her graduation, and it reminds me everyday that she came back home and finished what she started. I have to go make sure she’s up and getting ready to go. I envy her being able to do whatever she wants to do everyday but when I was that age I made my own choices and did exactly what I wanted to do…my poor poor parents. When I was my daughter’s age I was married with two kids and knew that was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. My parents must have wanted to kill me more than a few times. I definitely chose to live a challenging life, but I’m so happy now that I did everything at an early age because now I can see my own kids being adults while I’m still young enough to enjoy it. I saw an article on teaching your adult children how to grow up and move out. A fix-it for those failure to launch kids. I have to admit that I’m guilty of fixing my kids problems for them but I am learning to let them figure out their own problems. I just need to get my daughter to see that having a cell phone is not an emergency expense. Things are different now and I can see how the cell phones can make things a little easier but I won’t carry one. I feel like I’m on a leash when I have one. I just realized how much I wrote just now and I thought it was going to be a short post because I couldn’t think of anything to talk about. Like I told Rick the other day: Just give me any subject and a recording device and watch me go on for an hour or two about it. He suggested that I get a program for my computer that writes what you say but I think I would rather type. Jesse left for training now and the house is quiet so I’ll go have another cup of coffee and try to get started on cleaning something today. Seeing the house looking good makes me feel better.


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