It will be two years in a few months since my wonderful husband got up one morning, got dressed for work and was in his truck a few minutes before his shift…just like any other day. He was dispatched on a few calls and was having a really great start on his commission that day when someone drove into his truck while he was using the outside controls to drop a car. At first the insurance was great and didn’t give him any grief about his paychecks or medical needs, but now every few weeks they seem to try to cut him off and say that he wasn’t hurt at all. Finally one of the worker’s comp Doctors agreed that he does indeed have an injury and has ordered one more test to see exactly how much damage there is in his neck before we let someone cut into him. I wish that we had known about this test a long time ago. Apparently, it can show how far and how bad the damage is to the nerves in his neck, the down side to this is that it’s very painful and he’s not liking the whole idea of having electricity put to the nerves. I try to let him know that even though it might hurt, it will give the Doctors the info they need as to the best way to fix the damage. He’s always been the kind of man to not worry about anything, which used to really get on my nerves, but now he just feels lost. Not being able to work is literally tearing him down one day at a time. It’s not right that all he did was to go to work one day and do his job. We went and talked to all three law firms yesterday and we both had a few misconceptions as to how the legal and medical processes would go, and definitely never dreamed that it would take this long to get him treated and able to go back to working. We have no idea what kind of work he’ll be able to do when all the Doctors are done with him. Mom has been trying to help me to get him in a better mood and go out to different places just for him to get out of the house and have something to do, but he doesn’t want to do much anymore. I asked all the lawyers yesterday if there was anything that we could do, anything at all, to speed up the process and get him his treatment without any further delays. All three said the same thing. Just keep doing everything that is asked of you and have patience. Somehow I knew that they would say that, however just speaking to them in person reassured me and Rick too I hope, to keep having faith that it will all work out in the end. One of the lawyers said that there is a chance that Rick will need to keep dealing with worker’s comp forever depending on how bad the injury turns out to be on the next test because there is a chance that a surgery won’t be able to fix his neck at all. I really can’t see him having to be in this amount of pain forever. I wonder if the guy who hit his truck has any idea at all just what he did to my husband’s life by being so careless…probably not. I feel like my having cancer right now isn’t helping the situation because he believes that I could get better if I wanted to, but if I don’t try then why should he? That’s the real reason that I’ve agreed to see the heart and lung surgeon. If I have the two biopsies, he believes that they will be able to find a way to make me better. I don’t believe that, but how can I tell him that he needs to have painful tests if I won’t? When it rains, it pours! If I wasn’t so sick all the time I think he wouldn’t be in the condition he’s in, so I feel kind of guilty. I know I didn’t do anything to make myself sick, but because I am, he isn’t handling things as well anymore. He had a great attitude even after he was in the accident. He knew that it was only temporary…but now we’re told that this might go on for a very long time. I’m really hoping that when we finalize this wrongful termination claim that will give him some sence that it will all eventually be ok. I’ve suggested that he think about what kind of work he would like to do if he can’t ever drive a truck again, and maybe get some schooling on a new career direction. That way he would at least have something to look forward to doing every day, and it couldn’t hurt to learn about something he’s interested in doing. I think I’ll try takeing him to the community college near by and see what kind of training they can offer him that he would enjoy doing. What’s ironic is that lately I’ve had a bit more energy than usual and I’ve been able to do a little bit more around the house and I think that it’s because I want to do whatever I can to make things feel more normal at home for him. I plan on doing as much as I can to make sure that I’m not just sitting around, and it has been making me feel better to move more too. It’s easy to say that I’m too tired to do anything but when I see him doing what I do and watching tv all day it makes me want to get up and clean things. I need to figure out what he can do everyday just to keep moving because if there’s one thing I do know it’s that if you don’t use it you lose it. We’ve invited some friends over to visit this weekend and usually it’s my idea to have them over, but this time it was his idea, and he actually said that he would feel better if we had some company for the day. I definitely think that it’s a step in the right direction. Having friends over makes me want to clean my house because I don’t want to be embarrassed to have them see a dirty house, so it really does help us both to have company over once in a while.