#63 There’s not enough chocolate in the world

My surgeon for some unknown reason has sent copies of the surgical reports to my oncologist. I know that I told her that I would be doing this biopsy to shut some people up and that I would NEVER agree to take chemo, so why she thought that she needed to send those reports is beyond me. I think that when I say no to treatment that people just think I’m going through a phase. Nope, no phase here. I don’t want it, and this latest surgery has made me even more sure that I won’t be doing anything else to make anyone happy. I’m home from the hospital now with new bandages and more pain than I thought I would have. For some reason when my surgery was explained to me nobody mentioned the rib spreader. I guess I knew that if the surgeon was going inside my ribs that she was going to need to get through my ribs, but I think I just imagined that she knew some secret way to get through there without  the rib spreader. I ended up going into the hospital a few days early so the surgeon saw me there and decided to cut me open then and get it over with so I agreed and let her cut on me. Now try to imagine that I’m still hurting from the mastectomy and lymph node removal on my right side and now it’s going to be a while before I can get rid of the new bandages and start walking on my crutches again without Rick walking behind me and actually moving my crutch every time I take a step. I have an appointment with the pain doctor this morning so I’m going to go and get dressed now because it takes me a bit longer these days to get dressed. I did get my coffee in me so I should be OK to go out into public this morning. I don’t like public, but that’s where the M&Ms are so I’ll give it a shot. I’m hurting too much to write this morning so I’ll give it another try later today or tomorrow, Hopefully by then I’ll be feeling better.


8 thoughts on “#63 There’s not enough chocolate in the world

  1. Hi Hun, glad you are home so sorry you are in pain. You have been so brave and putting up with the pain all the time is hard. I’m having a break from chemo as the Taxotere nearly killed me. My hands are peeling so bad from the burns I got from the chemo and I can just feel my face now. Will go back to FEC for another two.

    Sending you lots of love


    • Chemo is definately no picnic and I hope you find one that works for you without causing so much damage. I have to say that I don’t feel very brave…more like bitchy and hungry. Apparentaly I have the ability to just look at someone and suck their soal out of them without ever knowing that I’ve done anything. I was just recently told that I possess this power. I like it.:) I hope you feel better very soon.

  2. I’ve been thinking about you. It’s common practice to send reports to the other physicians involved in a patient’s care. It’s good to have all of your records in one place (in a perfect world). Hope you get some relief from the pain very soon.

    • What’s funny is that my husband now carries around a black folder box with all of my records and scans in there along with his power of attorney for me (just in case). He actually needed it during this last hospital stay. My pain doctor is very good to me and I just came from seeing him this morning. He was concerned that I might need more pain meds but I assured him that I had more than enough. All doctors should be so concerned with peoples pain. cin

  3. Hey Moon-Beam =)
    I wonder if you can have the M&Ms on an automatic delivery? You know how you can have meds delivered with automatic refills ~perhaps that can be a new marketing plan for them! LOL
    I’m glad you’re doing better ~and I know that cuz you’re well enough to fuss about stuff! I love you bunches!

  4. I’m sorry you’re having such pain–as I am in general that there is so much suffering in the world. But I see it has cleared your brain to see the truth fully: there is NOT, indeed, enough chocolate in the world. Suffering teaches so much. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

    • Candida, I’ve started hospice care now so the pain issue shouldn’t be an issue much longer. I like my new nurse and they know what I want and are trying to help me live as long as I can as well as I can and that gives me great comfort. I know I’ll never be cured but I’ll also never quit living as long as I’m still breathing. This blog has helped me more than I thought it would and I have gotten way more support about my decisions than I ever dreamed was possible so I’m greatful for it and the people who come with it. I now don’t care what I weigh so I’m eating whatever I want, and I want chocolate! I never was a candy person so this new craving suprises me every time. Suffering can do great things and I’ll never completely be able to explaine to everyone what I’ve learned about myself and my family because of it. We’re all a lot stronger than I thought we were.

I would enjoy reading any comments you have, so please leave a reply or any questions!

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s