#70 So now what?

I have a hospice team in place now, although I don’t now what they are all going to be doing but I thought that it would be a good idea to get to know them all and find out what they each could do to help make things easier for me. I didn’t want a bunch of strangers coming and going throughout my house so I’m going to get to know them all and see what they can each help me with to take some of the stress off of me, especially as I get less and less able to do things for myself. I would rather just keep doing things like I  have been doing but I’m getting more and more tired every day. Rick is taking on  so much responsibility that he’s starting to burn out and I don’t want him to take on more than he can handle, that would just make things worse. If it was up to Rick he would do everything and care for my every need but I just can’t do that to him. He would literally work himself to death to see that I was taken care of and that just isn’t fair to him. I plan on having each of the team members over to my house separately and discussing with them exactly what service they would be able to provide and see what people I’m comfortable with having in my home. I really don’t feel like I need a bunch of people here all the time so it would be more like having them check in on me and making sure that I’m doing OK on my own or helping me with whatever I might need help with. I’m not sure what any of them do except for my nurse, and I just love her. The goal being to keep doing things myself with as little assistance as possible. I can still do pretty much everything but in short spurts. I’m takeing a lot of naps and I’m not used to that because before if had a nap during the day then I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. Now I need those little naps. I feel so old. I know I could be facing much worse things than I am and there are millions of people worse off than I am, and if being tired is my main concern(other than the pain, but I’m used to having a lot of pain)then I’m doing alright. I hear people complain about stupid shit that is usually only a temporary issue and I just want to shake them and tell them that I would gladly change places with them…but people seem to get stuck on the small stuff and don’t tend to see the larger picture. If only everyone could live in my body for just one day I think they wouldn’t complain so much about things that can be fixed. I actually know of people who want to be sick and have to go to a bunch of different doctors and take tons of pills for this, that, and the other. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that there are people who could live a normal healthy life but they just don’t want to put the effort into takeing better care of themselves. They would rather have everyone feeling sorry for them because of all the problems they have. I would gladly be healthy and have more energy to do things but my body just won’t cooperate with me. I’m still going to try to eat better and move more whether or not it does me any good, because it just feels so good to be active. Now I’m tired…I need a nap.


3 thoughts on “#70 So now what?

  1. i soooo wish i had been able to help whittle away at more on your list of stuff to do than i did.. 😦 I will try harder next time 🙂 LOVE you!!!

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