#72 So I screwed up…now I fix it.


I truly thought that I was making the right decision when I went into hospice care, but I had no idea what was about to happen to me under their care. I started with them when I was in a terrible amount of pain so the pain meds were given through my port, they kept me inpatient increasing the doses for over a week,  and when I was sent home the doctor insisted that I take the strongest drugs I’ve ever heard of anyone taking. I know that they wanted to take away my pain but they gave me such high doses of meds that three days ago my daughter found me unconscious on my back patio. Luckily my nurse was just walking in too ,however they don’t know how long I was out there. When I woke up in the hospice unit they had to explain to me why I was there…I didn’t know much more than my first name.For more than a month I had been asking and asking my hospice nurse for the doctor to lower the meds and I was told no. Then when I overdosed on the meds they gave me, they respond by dropping me down to a fraction of what I was taking to begin with and if I hadn’t had pills set aside from times when I was inpatient I wouldn’t have anything right now. I trusted them, but I knew something was wrong when I was tired all the time and wasn’t able to do regular things like writing posts on my blog. I’ve signed off of the hospice service and my previous doctor of four years is going to care for me from now on and I trust him not to overload me on too many pills. It’s hard to know when not to do what the doctor says and especially when they had me so sleepy all the time. I guess if you’re never awake, you never argrue back. For the people who are way closer to death than I am it seemed to be a good place for them to be, but I’m still trying to live. I haven’t given up yet.

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8 thoughts on “#72 So I screwed up…now I fix it.

    • It was out of nowhere because I didn’t realize how bad it was getting until that day. I feel so bad that I put my family through that but I realized what was happening when I woke up and right away started to fix the situation.

  1. Pingback: Hoarding Woes: It Isn’t Always the Stuff « HoardingWoes & You

  2. Cindy, I am sorry your experience was not what you had hoped for. It is good to hear the spirit back in your voice! Perhaps your Doc can get what you want together for you, for your comfort and spirit. I am happy to hear from you. Now enjoy your garden. Love Barb

  3. Hi Cindy, glad it was the drugs and not you. I go for my Lumpectomy on the 19th, more pain to look forward too.

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