#74 let me count the ways


I know that everyone has worries and problems . Maybe they aren’t getting along with a family member or a neighbor, they might have money problems or a cheating spouse…I don’t have any of that.

Every day I wake up and realize all over again that I’m a woman with cancer. I worry about hurting my kids when I’m really sick. I worry about what I’m able to do each day and if I can do anything at all other than sit in my recliner. I worry about getting to doctor appointments and getting all my prescriptions filled on time. The first thing I worry about every morning is if my one leg will hold out long enough for me to walk down the stairs in my house to make my coffee. Then I worry about finding clothes to wear that both match the weather but also don’t hurt me anywhere. I worry about the dishes getting done, I worry about the dusting being finished and if I have all the laundry cleaned and put away. Most of the time all of those things never get done all at once but I keep on trying. I worry about how long I can last each day when I can start a project or a chore. I worry about how my husband is feeling because we both know there’s nothing he can do to make me better. Then I start worrying about trying to get back upstairs to take a bath and clean up the bedrooms. That’s the hardest one I think…getting back upstairs on my crutches hurts like hell.  You would think that I would be better at it by now but my body just seems to be giving out. I’m not as tired as I was, but I still find it extremely difficult to get moving every morning. Rick made an appointment with the surgeon and I’m going to go, apparently they have some new information for me about whatever is going on in my chest and lungs. I have no clue why it took the mayo clinic this long to come up with an answer but I guess we’ll see what they have to say. I feel OK today (considering) and I plan on trying to get some things done but it’s always up in the air as to how much I can do. My spirits are good today too but looking over what I just wrote I guess you wouldn’t think that. I like reality, I think I’ll stay in it for a while. Today I’m all right.

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