#80 My birthday is one year

Last year on my birthday(July 1st) I found a birthday card in the mail from my insurance company telling me that because I was now forty they wanted me to go and get my first mammogram. I thought at the time it was kind of funny that they do that but now it’s a birthday card that I won’t ever forget. I had already found a tiny lump on my right breast that I thought was a cyst because I walk on my crutches a lot. It wouldn’t have been the first cyst I ever had. I did go to my doctor and show her what I found but she said it’s probably nothing and for me not to worry about it. So I didn’t. It took another month for me to get into have it looked at, and that day I was told that I not only had the one lump, I was taken for an US and then told that I also had a huge one under my arm that I didn’t know about at all. The doctor at the imaging place came in and put her little wand right on the second one and just looked at me like she was going to cry. I asked her if it was another tumor and she wouldn’t answer me but you know I’m not going to let her get away with that so I insisted that I already knew it was tumors and asked her how bad it was. She shook her head yes and gave me a paper telling me to go straight from her to my doctor’s office so get scheduled with a surgeon. She had called my doctor before I even left to tell them how bad it was, so that wasn’t very encouraging. I went back out to the waiting room where my mother was sitting (as well as a few strangers) and said that I had tumors…again! I remember all that like it was yesterday. Now over the years and with all the medical problems I’ve had because of the chemo I had years ago I have more body parts missing that I think I have left. People stop me on the street and ask me if I have cancer and I tell them “no, I laid down a motorcycle on the right side and lost a few parts when I fell”. It’s none of anyone’s business why I’m missing my breast and my leg unless I want them to know. Anyway, so this year I thought I should go out with Rick and see if some of our friends want to go with us to do karaoke. I used to go all the time but since I’ve been sick I just didn’t have the energy to get ready to go anywhere. Lately I’ve been trying to get my body used to doing things again. I’ve refused any treatment so it’s the cancer making me tired not any kind of treatment. I have gone a few places for a little while but it’s difficult to go outside in the heat here so I’m trying to do things inside to keep me busy. So far I feel OK…tired but OK. It does pop into my mind that this may be the last time that I can go out to sing so that’s making me want to go even more. There are a few people that we know who haven’t even seen me in the past year so I thought that it would be nice to invite them as well.  Even if it’s just me and Rick having a beer together that’s fine too. I’ll just have to wait and see who goes.


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