#87 Home Again

I just spent another two weeks in hospice in-patient because I couldn’t get all the pain under control so they had to give me IV meds to get me back to normal again. I couldn’t have gotten better care in a five-star hotel. The doctor that I have now is wonderful and when I say I hurt she doesn’t question me she just makes me feel better and sends me home again. I guess that’s going to be how I’m going to have to handle things from now on. I don’t mind being there at all and although I had a few people saying that I wasn’t sick enough to be there, mostly people who are supposed to support me, I did ask them to send me home before they though that I was ready. I felt terrible for a few days after I came home and was getting used to my regular meds again. I’m getting really tired again all the time and even getting dressed in the morning is beginning to be a chore. I really am trying not to play the victim but I don’t know what else to do when I’m in a lot of pain other than ask for help. I have to say that I was expecting a lot more support from my family and friends but I’ve decided that I don’t need their permission to be ill. I’m doing the best I can but it seems like my best just isn’t good enough for some people. I’m purposefully not saying any names for fear that they might get worse. I’m not quite sure how I’m supposed to make everyone happy when I feel so bad most of the time so I’m done trying. I would rather not talk to anyone than have people judging me for how I want to be treated. It’s none of anyone’s business how I live my life but my own. I have given a few people a little piece of my mind and it did seem to help a little bit, but I don’t have the energy anymore to keep having to tell people off when they second guess my choices for my own treatment. I’m doing the best that I can and anyone who doesn’t like it can just bite me! I’m not here to make other people feel better when I’m the one who’s sick and in pain. Rick and Hollywood took my new karaoke machine back to the store and turned it in for a new one. Apparently it’s only taking me about a month to burn out the laser on them so they exchanged it at no charge. At least we can still sing without having to go anywhere so I have some entertainment here at home. Hopefully all the judgement about me being in hospice will stop because it will only end with me dropping the people who make me feel worse than I already do. It’s just too bad that some people don’t consider what kind of damage they do to other people just by running their mouths when they shouldn’t.


4 thoughts on “#87 Home Again

  1. In your hospice system, have they offered any form of counseling that might benefit those that are insensitive, in denial or scared silly. Of course, you can lead a horse to water but………. Bless you Cindy.

    • They do have a social worker that I spoke with and she did offer to talk to my family but I don’t think any of them would talk to her. I can’t believe the amount of people that think that I would just make all this up. I thought it was best for me not to make a big deal of it but I think that’s backfiring on me.

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