I think that what I miss the most is just sitting and reading a book with Cali(my cat likes to pet herself with books while I read and as soon as I set one down she sits on it). This photo was taken right before Rick and I went to Waikiki for his 40th birthday, just months before I knew about my breast cancer. I did have a small tumor in this pic but I had no clue because there weren’t any symptoms yet other than pain and I was used to that. We were starting a cardiac diet and going for two-mile walks every morning so that we could keep Rick from having anymore health issues but I really had no idea how much I enjoyed times like this until they didn’t exist anymore. This was also around the time that my daughter was about to go to her senior prom and my son was wanting to move to another state to be closer to his girlfriends family. I had a lot on my mind but it was all positive and I was so happy with everything. We bought new furniture and painted the downstairs of the house and were looking forward to having new carpet too, I really did want to get a lot done and we did start. I managed to get not just my daughter off to prom but also her then girlfriend and another one of her friends and her friend’s brother.This is all the kids before prom.
My Jessica is the first one on the right (yes I let my lesbian daughter wear a tux to prom), her girlfriend Jessica was in the silver dress and the other two are brother and sister friends of Jesse’s from school. The girl in the red dress was the only one of these kids that I didn’t dress that night. I came up with everything the other three needed, some of it just minutes before they took this picture. Nothing unusual for me really, I like to keep things on-hand that someone else might need. I’m very proud of my girl because since she finished with high school she’s been working full-time and paying her own bills. She does have an apartment of her own but she works her night job right across the street from my house so she stays here a few days a week. Last week she decided that she wanted to have more money and managed to get another full-time job. Some days she works back to back 12 hr shifts then only sleeps for a few hours and does it again. I know she’s very proud of the fact that she is able to do this and so am I.
My son Justin and his fiance Ashley are living and working in New Hampshire where they’ll be having their first child in February I think. They were struggling to get by here in Arizona so they decided to jump on over to the east coast and try to do better there. I know that Rick and I moved that far when our kids were still babies but after just one really bad winter we came right back here. Justin and Ash seem to be doing better now that they’ve gotten a house there and her father moved there to stay with them with her little brother so they aren’t alone. Recently, when Justin told me about the baby I couldn’t resist telling him that I hoped he would have a son just like him. He didn’t like that very much. “Not cool Mom!” he said. I still think it’s funny. They’ve both been through so much that I know that they are able to properly care for a child, even if I am really far away. I just hope Rick and I get to visit when the baby comes.
Things now aren’t that much different as far as what I try to do every day. It’s how I feel that makes everything so damn difficult. This morning I woke up with my lungs really bothering me so I hope that after some nice hot coffee I’ll be able to get started with my chores around the house. The house is empty now except for Rick and me and the small furry animals, and it’s so quiet. I love the quiet but I miss the noise. Not the loud screaming of Justin and Jesse trying to kill each other but the music blasting, the phone ringing and all their friends coming and going day and night…I do kinda miss that. Not enough to have them move back home though. I love my kids but I like them a lot more since they’ve grown up.
I do still read but now it’s not to relax, but to try to get my mind off the pain so that I can sleep at night. I’ve been reading Great Expectations, and now I’m reading it a second time to make sure that I didn’t miss anything. When I read now I seem to be going over a lot of words and not having a clue what I just read. Some nights it can take me half an hour to read a whole page and actually understand it. My mother offered to let me read books on her Nook so maybe I can find something more interesting on there. She must have 1,500 books on there now (Rick and Jason like to give her gift cards for it), so if I can’t find something on there I might just have to give up on reading. I feel better already and I’ve only had one cup of coffee so I’m going to go pour another cup…and bust out the M&Ms.