#106 Losing a friend


This morning I woke up and started all of my usual morning things, one of which is checking in on all of my friends on a breast cancer support board, and I found out that I have a friend who is probably at the end of her life. She has been such a great support to me and so many others when she herself was having some very difficult health problems, and I’m having a hard time coming to terms with her being in hospice this morning in a drug induced light coma. She is surrounded by her family and friends as well as a great friend that she found on the board. We were all told that if we left a message for her on the board this morning, they would all be read to her so that she could see all the love and prayers that are being sent out to her from all over the world as she faces this terrible time in her life. My first reaction was to be very upset for not only her but also her wonderful husband and the rest of her family. I didn’t realize, until after I had tears running down my face, that if she dies any time soon she wouldn’t be sick anymore. She loves to bake and is known to send people cookies to make them feel better even as she herself has physical issues to deal with, so it’s no wonder that she has thousands of friends wishing, hoping and praying for her comfort and peace right now. It’s never easy to hear about anyone, especially someone who has touched our hearts, who is having to go through so much when she clearly deserves much better. I have a feeling that today won’t be about me at all. Today for me will be about this lovely woman. I feel very helpless to do or say anything that would help, although I did write a little note to be read to her this morning. All of us have different things that touch our hearts, and hopefully we all learn from the struggles that we see other people go through as well as our own trials. This is a lesson that I wish I didn’t have to learn, and an experience that I don’t wish on anybody. I often think about all the women who have given me support and shown me kindness when I myself thought that my disease was progressing. I’m feeling fine right now physically, however it breaks my heart to know that other people are suffering so much every day, and it’s even harder to deal with when it hits this close to home. It’s so easy to get caught up in our own troubles and forget that we’re not the only ones who have suffering in our lives. I can only do my best today to be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. For me today won’t be about me at all.

UPDATE; I added some pictures of things that she would have loved …baking was her favorite hobby.


About two hours ago my dear friend Mary took her last breath surrounded by the people that she loved the most. I know that she’s in a better place and her pain is no longer. I am heart-broken for her family and friends, but so happy that she went out on her own terms, she chose to be under palliative sedation so that she didn’t have to go through any extreme pain in the end. I’m told that she drifted off slowly and died in her sleep. I’ll miss our talks and her uplifting spirit. You gave us all a gift by being here to teach us all how to go through this terrible time with such grace, so I thank you Mary. You will forever be remembered by so many for the gift of love that you shared with all. God bless you Mary. I know that you are in Heaven, pain-free, and looking over us all. All my love to you my friend. I will never forget you.



12 thoughts on “#106 Losing a friend

  1. i’m so glad she didn’t suffer at the end. God bless her for being a light to so many as she passed through dark times herself. Today, Mary is in the presence of the Lord, wearing her incorruptible spirit body. For that, i rejoice. Love to you, kid. i know you’re having a rough day. HUGS!

  2. Mary was amazing, damn it! I am so sad. She was a light in this world, extinguished far too soon. Thanks for your eloquent words, Cin – as usual, you somehow always say what is in our minds and hearts. Sending you a hug today and always! love from your friend

    • Jenni,
      She deserved to live for many, many more years, but I am grateful that it went pretty quickly and she wasn’t suffering. I guess in the end that’s the best any of us can hope for. It’s just so damn unfair!!! :/

  3. Hey Cin! Just checking on you, how are you feeling? Any more weed pulling? We went to the party store today for something and they had a huge row of M&Ms, all divided by color (guess for wedding favors, etc?) Anyhow, my very first thought was you! 🙂 Keep us posted on the happenings, and hugs to that wonderful guy you live with.

    • Hey Jenni,
      I haven’t been feeling very well, Mary passing away hit me pretty hard and I haven’t wanted to do anything. I’ve been checking in but I haven’t written a thing…I’m just not in the mood I guess. Maybe after I have my coffee I’ll fell a little better.
      All my love to you my friend, cin

  4. I am sorry, sweetie. I had a feeling you were feeling down about Mary 😦 I’ve had my breath taken away by the passing of some of the ladies from the board, I remember one in particular who had young kids and made the excruciating decision to stop treatment to make some great memories with them and she unexpectedly passed just 3 days later, it was stunning and very upsetting. This f’n disease. Well I hope you feel better after your coffee and maybe some fresh air and time with your sweet furry animals 🙂 Maybe stay away from the boards for a bit and start something new like one of those Pinterest boards? That looks like fun, I think. Well I will be back to check on you soon! Sending you an understanding hugs and lots of love.

  5. Hi Hun, just been to a car meeting with amazing cars. It was for a little boy of 11 who has two weeks to live.

    I really fucking hate Cancer!

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