#144 I’m about to lose my mind!

I’m still really sick from changing my pain meds and I’ve been trying to sleep as much as I could, but I keep waking up every two hours in pain. I know that I’ll be better soon but when you’re in this much pain it’s really difficult to be patient about it. Rick and Mom took care of Thanksgiving and I pretty much just tried to stay out-of-the-way. I guess it’s better than last year when they had to bring me dinner in the hospital. I’m trying to look on the bright side…but it isn’t very easy right now. I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I feel like I can’t do a damn thing anymore without having to pay for it for days afterwords. I wanted so badly to have the house looking nice for my family to come here for Thanksgiving  dinner, and I didn’t do that much, at least not enough to put me in the shape I’ve been in since then. My whole body hurts, and I know that some of that is from switching my meds, but just for one day I would like to feel healthy.


I was looking forward to getting the last check from worker’s comp so we could pay for the bills far enough ahead for Rick to start getting a paycheck. Because Rick had been released to go back to work we expected a final check from worker’s comp, but it was nowhere near what we thought it would be. I honestly have no clue how we’re going to get through the next month. Rick is out right now trying to find a job that he can manage without hurting himself anymore than he already has, but we didn’t know that he was going to be cut off like he was. On the bright side, now we can settle the claim for the personal injury, and hopefully it will at least cover all the bills. I’m not even thinking about buying Christmas presents anymore. I’m more concerned with just getting by. I don’t even have the heart to put up the tree. I had planned to put it up days ago, but I could barely move so I figured I would just wait until I was feeling better. So much for feeling better.


I know Rick will get hired on quickly with all the experience he has under his belt. I just can’t believe that all this shit happens to us. I’m starting to feel like the universe has it out for me. With any luck at all we might get the settlement money from the accident before Christmas. But with our luck the attorney’s fees will be more than the settlement. Just another case of truth being stranger than fiction. Rick told me not to worry and that everything would work out fine, but at this point I’m having a really hard time not worrying. I probably shouldn’t have put all of this in my blog, but I’m stressing about it and this is how I process everything. I hope nobody reading this was looking for a happy post.


I just found out about the worker’s comp check (or lack there of) so maybe I’ll be in a better mood later, but right now I don’t think I could take anymore bad news. I’m all out of sunshine! I think that considering my situation I need and upside down pink tree…it seems so appropriate.





8 thoughts on “#144 I’m about to lose my mind!

  1. hey sis!
    sounds like you are all outta sunshine … so here’s some from me to you:
    Come on friends, join in! You gotta be loud so Cindy can hear you!
    If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands … if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands … if you’re happy and you know it, then you face will surely show it, if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!
    clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap
    (no, you don’t have the clap, you have to clap LOL) i betcha i got at least a grin!

    • Hey my sista, If you could take over for a while that would be great. I’m really sick and trying to set up hospice now. I can’t even eat anymore and I’m only drinking enough to take my pills. I’ll fill you in on the rest when you call me,

  2. I’m sorry you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired. I don’t blame you. You’re going through so much as it is, then you have to worry about how the bills get paid. My best wishes for the universe working with you —

  3. Dear Cin, I am so sorry I’ve been absent, all sort of craziness on my end, but nothing like yours!!!! I just read your updates elsewhere, and I am really worried about you, sweetie. I hope you get the pain relief you need so that you can get some energy and start eating again. Can you try milkshakes? Easy down and lots of calories? I will send you a longer note elsewhere, I still have your email addy. Just reaching out with a big hug!! Sending lots of love and strength to you, amazing lady!! Jenni

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