#145 I’m still here…I think?


I had the most pleasurable stay in my new Hospice inpatient unit lately and just arrived home Christmas day…I think. I don’t remember things very well anymore so if you need info on anything that is important, for God’s sake don’t ask me. I was having uncontrolled pain so the hospice team thought that I should be under their care at a facility that I know was supposed to be in kind-of-a hospital setting…but it was really more like a resort.

I was in such terrible pain when I arrived there, and it took an entire day to get the Medical Director in there to see me (he thought he should be the one seeing me because all of my prior medical issues with getting the right treatment) and then I waited hours for a nurse to come that was trained to hook up my port to give them IV access. It seemed then like it took forever, but considering what they were able to accomplish, it was a very short time after all.After all of that and a few more hours to have the meds delivered…they did it. They knocked down my pain level to a level that it hasn’t been in years. I’ve told you all about the tumor pressing on nerves (my own conclusion by the way) but when I told the Medical Director where all I was having pain he said that I was absolutely right.

It’s not often that any Dr would agree with me but this one did a through medical exam and after feeling the tumor he actually said “Oh my God! that’s way bigger than on the scan” Finally someone listened to me and understood that I knew what my future was looking like. It only took a few minutes for him to decide to give me the only medicine that has ever work on pain for me and he ordered that I have a Patient Controlled analgesic pump. He actually told me he was going to give me higher and higher doses of it until I felt better. I didn’t want to be in a haze and he didn’t want me sleeping all the time so we found the right amount that worked for me.
Now I’m home again. I did have to go in another time to increase the dose, but I think I’ve found the right amount of medicine to continue to let me function.

Now, when I say function, I don’t mean doing anything that takes much energy at all. I’ve had to have a hospital bed brought in because I can’t climb the stairs in my house without hurting myself.
I keep trying to do more around the house but I only end up hurting myself.My sister Elaine has come from NC to help out for a few weeks and my friend Diane has been here a lot decorating and cleaning.

This month I’m focusing on trying to raise money to pay some bills that I just can’t put off anymore. I did manage to get together enough money to pay all of the household bills…now I have to get my car paid for. I own my car free and clear…However it has a repair that has to be done before I can take it to get current registration. Rick called the insurance company to let them and the department of motor vehicle to let them know that the car isn’t being driven because of repair issues.

I’m trying to find a way to set up a legitimate bank account for people to donate into (so they know that this is all above table). I’ve done fund-raisers before but never for myself, so I’m at a loss as to how to start it. In the past I would always choose families for Christmas or friends of our kids’ families and have car washes. Now I know how it feels to have to ask for help, and it’s a horrible gut wrenching feeling that I don’t wish on anyone.
Hopefully it isn’t too late to talk to Santa?

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6 thoughts on “#145 I’m still here…I think?

  1. Wish I was in the right country to help.Hope you get the info you need to start raising funds. Glad they got the pain down to a manageable level.

  2. It is so good to see you write a post, Cindy. I wish I could give you a hug so tight you’d need to push the button on that there pain doofarkle you’ve got hooked up. Much love being sent your way.

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