During the time that I was in the hospital with Jess, I took a phone call from a lady at the hospital where I was supposed to be having my next surgery. This tumor in my arm is getting painful and I know if I wait much longer it will be too big to try to remove so I know I shouldn’t wait any longer. I told that lady that I was going to have to reschedule my surgery and that I would call the surgeon to check his callender when my daughter was feeling better. I don’t want anyone to think that I’m in any way blaming this on my daughter. I think that if she was home and healthy when that lady called me to confirm my surgery that I would have found another reason to put it off. If I believed for one minute that I was going to be healthy after I have it removed then I might have a better attitude. But it’s only for pain relief that I’m even giving it a shot. When I spoke to the surgeon he told me that having it removed wouldn’t make me any better and that it might even cause it to spread faster. I don’t know for sure if it would help me or hurt me…so putting it off would have happened anyway. I’ll call Monday morning a see what they have open this month. I spoke to Rick about the finance issues and I think he might have found a way that he can go back to work. He won’t be driving a tow truck, but he was a call center manager for about fifteen years before he was in a truck so he wants to work for a nation wide company that takes calls for emergency towing and road-side problems. Who better to have taking those calls than someone who has the experience that he has. I think that the company also has full benefits too so we won’t have to pay out-of-pocket for his heart meds anymore. It was a huge relief to me to hear him talking about working again because he went so long with his doctors refusing to release him for work. Hopefully they won’t mind if he does this kind of work. I have only been up for about an hour and already I feel like I need to rest. I think I’ll look and see what movies are on and relax for a while.
I decided yesterday morning while I was drinking my coffee that I needed to get some exercise in to get my blood pumping like I was told to do by the Dr at the hospital. I do love going around the neighborhood in my wheelchair with Rick walking next to me but Rick had some errands to run and I was here all by myself. I don’t ever go out alone just in case anything happens or I start feeling bad. So I thought that it would be a good idea to find things to do around the house, and since I had been in the hospital all last week my kitchen wasn’t exactly as clean as I thought it should be, so that’s where I started. I think every dish we own was dirty and when Rick cleans the kitchen he always only fills the dishwasher and forgets about the stove and the counters. I washed every dish by hand and dried and put them all away and did my best to get everything else in the kitchen cleaned as well. I think I ended up spending about two hours just in the kitchen alone and was very disappointed in myself for not having enough energy to sweep and mop my floors. My daughter had her favorite little man (four years old) here for a few days and she had to go to work so I agreed to watch him until Rick came home to take care of him, but Rick ended up having to be out until it was bed time so I never did get anymore work done. I think I probably shouldn’t have done anymore than I did anyway because after sitting down for a few minutes I realized that I was completely wiped out. Luckily little man was very well-behaved for me so watching him wasn’t a problem at all. I went to get ready for bed as soon as Rick came to take over and right after he walked in the door he told me that he had agreed to also watch our niece for the night so that my sister could go to the er to have an x-ray of her ankle. So just as I was getting ready to fall asleep Rick laid down with the kids to watch a movie to help them go to sleep and I didn’t hear another thing all night. When I woke up this morning I had a house full of people…my daughter had two friends sleeping here, my sister and her boyfriend were asleep with my niece in the guest room, and little man and Jesse were asleep in her room. There were people everywhere, but thank God there wasn’t very much noise. I woke up the last of the sleeping teenagers on my couches and told everyone to find something to eat and get moving so I could have my house to myself again so that I could try again to get my house cleaned. They didn’t make much of a mess so I just have to work on the floors and dust. Hopefully I can get it all finished today before I get too tired. I also was told that while I was sleeping that the police had to come in my house looking for a guy that was running from them and they had their guns drawn while searching my house. Come to find out the guy had jumped my back wall and went over the neighbors wall and they found him in a third neighbor’s back yard. I never heard a thing. I might have been bothered that there were cops in my house with their guns out looking for a criminal, but because Rick and I had to talk to the police all the time when we were doing repos we pretty much know all the cops in this area. Rick told me that one of the officers stopped to talk to him for a few minutes to ask if we had any tow chains left over that he could use for weight lifting. I’m still in a good mood today and Rick and I are here all alone again…just how I like it. I’m going straight to get my broom and mop and see how far I get today. I’m still not feeling my best but I’m willing to do as much as my body will let me do. I noticed this morning that all three of my bath rooms need to be cleaned too. I think I need a maid, but I can’t find one that will work for free…and I do need the exercise. I feel so much better when I’m able to get some of my cleaning done. Things just seem to be getting back to normal around here and every conversation doesn’t revolve around my cancer. That’s really a welcome change. I’m so ready for another vacation.
I’m new here. I just happened upon this thread. Actually, it seemed to be calling out to me that I needed to read it. So, I did – beginning to now. In fact, that’s all I’ve done all day. I just want to let you know that you have touched my heart. You have made me laugh and made me cry. I thank you for both. You are an incredible human being. You are my hero – an amazing explorer, creating your own path through this roller coaster we have come to know as – life. Your husband is a beautiful man – truly perfect for you in ever way. Your sisters and Mother to seem to be phenomenal human beings as well. In fact, at one point during my reading of all this, I thought, “Wow, I wish I had sisters!” then remembered, oh yeah, I do (one anyway). LOL. I hope you have a wonderful day and a pain-free, energy filled life. I will be praying for you and your family.
I have poured my little heart out on this blog with the intention of keeping my friends and family up to date on my lung disease and (second)cancer, but I’ve found in that process that I’m really doing it for myself as much as to help everyone else understand what’s going on. Every morning I wake up at the crack of dawn, and with my coffee in hand I head straight to my computer to write my morning post. I have so many different moods and every day I feel different, so it’s like someone new is writing this blog every day. I found myself writing down every little thing that bothers me as well as how I’m feeling and some days I’m even happy and pain-free. I never know how each day is going to start or end so It’s usually even a surprise to me as to what’s going on in my life and what I’ll write about. I think my writing has changed because of the comments that I get about it and that is a huge blessing to me as far as keeping a good attitude about having to go through so much. I’ve found support and love from complete strangers here that helps me through some very rough times as well as making my good days better. So today, I write to you. I want you to know that you matter to me, and the fact that you’ve now read all seven thousand of my posts on the BCO site and are working your way through all 90 posts on my blog tells me that I’m doing the right thing by sharing everything that I have. I don’t hold back and I know that I write some very upsetting things sometimes, but for some strange reason I figured that I needed to do it…so I continue. I’m grateful to you and everyone else who takes the precious time out of their day to read about things that mean so much to me and hopefully I’m helping someone else get through some difficult times in their lives as well. I don’t take that for granted and never will. Just taking that time for me is enough to let me know that I still matter. Some days I don’t feel like the world even knows that I’m still here, but when I see all the people who want to know how I am and what I’m doing it puts things back into perspective for me and makes me feel needed again. That’s been something that’s been hard for me to come by ever since I found out about this new cancer. Just having people like you reading and then telling me how I’ve touched your life keeps me going in the right direction. Thank you for reading everything, and thank you for letting me know that I’m not alone and just writing to myself. I really needed to hear someone say what you said so your timing was impeccable. I’ll try to keep it interesting for you, but to be honest, my life is so crazy that I usually don’t have to try very hard. I’m so happy to have touched your life and please know that you’ve now touched mine.
On my blog dashboard it shows me what people put in the search engine that brings up my blog and I found a funny one this morning. It said “How to park your truck so it doesn’t get repossessed”. So here’s my answer. You can’t! Any good tow truck driver can maneuver a tow truck into position to pick up any vehicle at any angle. If your picking up a bigger vehicle you just use a bigger tow truck. I was picking up a car one night with Rick and when we couldn’t find the owner to get the keys(we weren’t in a truck that night) I watched our friend pick the car up sideways like it was on a fork-lift. Funniest thing I had seen in a while…that car went about five miles sideways down a major road to the yard to be secured. We had many vehicles where the owners obviously tried to put it where it couldn’t be towed but we never left one behind because of where it was parked. Here’s my advice…Pay the vehicle payment and don’t bother trying to hide it. Repo men (and women) take it as a personal challenge to find and recover every vehicle possible. We’ve had bets with other recovery agents to see who could find and bring in(with the keys) the most vehicles in one shift. I think our record was 20+ cars but that also included impounds. If anyone tells you that prepossessing your vehicle isn’t personal that’s only half-true. It is a job and needs to be done, but people don’t usually do it just for the money. It’s the biggest rush I’ve ever had and I’m very proud of myself for being able to do some of the crazy things we had to do to get some of the cars. I usually only had to knock on doors and demand the keys and drive them in but there will always be someone who doesn’t understand that they don’t actually own a vehicle until that last dollar is paid off. That’s where the trucks come in. If it took us more that 30 seconds to take a vehicle with a truck something was wrong. I do miss it and I think that if I ever get another chance to take another car I would jump at it no matter how crappy I felt. The adrenaline would take over anyway. So just make the payment or call the lender and get an extension. If you don’t talk to the lender they come for the vehicle faster because they think you’re being evasive which makes it a priority recovery.
I had a phone call yesterday from HOV and they want to send someone to my house today to see if they can set up a way so that I can just have a nurse come to my house when I need anything that I would normally have to go to the er for. All of my doctors are ok with it so now I have to just go through the set up process. This does not mean that I’m dyeing any time soon! I hate it when people just assume that they need to start digging my grave when I say that I don’t want chemo…I would much rather live a full life for as long as I can, and hospice could help me do that. I want to get back to doing the things that I was doing before. I know that the most exciting thing I was doing before was going for walks with Rick…and repoing the occasional car when I was needed, but I liked the way my life was and I don’t have any interest in lying around the house every day all day when I could be doing something…anything. I think that when I’m feeling better I’m going to call a friend of mine who Rick and I used to sub-contract repos for and see if he has anything I can do. He usually has a stack of repo contracts that he won’t ever work so when I tell him that I’m bored he hands me some. We have a few other friends who all own repo companies so maybe I should just go back to work. I don’t see how I’ll ever be able to do what we used to do though. We would work an eighteen hour shift, running all over the valley and then sleep for four hours and jump back into the truck. It doesn’t sound as fun as it was though. We both had a blast bringing in cars and trucks…many were very expensive and just so we didn’t chance hurting them with the tow truck I would just get the keys from the debtor and drive them in. One time I drove a car in the middle of the night without any dash lights from an hour away because it was voice activated and I couldn’t get them to turn on, from what I’m told by my husband I was going about one hundred miles an hour around corners on the freeway and I had no idea that I was even speeding. It just handled really well. Not my fault. You wouldn’t believe the amount of people who will buy a Mercedes and then not be able to pay for it. I understand when people can’t pay for the only family car and me taking it from them is a major inconvenience, but when Rick and I were younger we didn’t have a car for a long time and I was in my wheelchair and we had two babies in a stroller all walking over a mile just to get groceries, so I do know how hard it can be, but a car is not a basic necessity of life. If we could manage without one than anyone can. So I never felt guilty for taking them, and sometimes I would even set people up with another dealership to get another more affordable car with cheaper payments. It was just so fun to hunt for the ones that people were hiding, it was like playing a game. Where’s Waldo-only with a vehicle. I didn’t like doing the impounds though. More than a few times we had to take cars that were just parked wrong or in the wrong place and some were right under the bedroom windows of trailers so we had to be super quiet, and with a tow truck lifting a car it isn’t easy to be quiet. Rick used to try to make so much noise that the people would just come out and move the car but usually they would just sleep right through the whole process and we would have to take the cars into the yard. Repo men do seem to get a bad wrap though, but it isn’t their fault that someone didn’t make the last three payments or that someone chose to park in someone elses parking spot. Most repo men (and I say man because I don’t know of any women other than me)are good people and will do everything they can to be helpful to the debtors to keep their car, retrieve their car or get another one. They are only doing a job that is thankless and can be very dangerous. We were only in danger a few times and it was never a big deal, you just have to know how to treat people with respect and let them know that it isn’t a personal attack against them. I really would give anything to be back in a truck again. Hopefully I’ll get healthy enough to go with Rick when he goes back to work after he gets his neck fixed enough to work. I can’t wait. I could start tracking down cars from my house and just let someone else go pick them up until we can do it again. That might give me a way to feel like I’m doing something again. I’m pretty good at talking people into giving up vehicles when they know that they’re up for repo. I guess I better go take my shower and get ready for my meeting with the lady from hospice. Sorry for the rant about doing repos…I just miss it so much. After I have my meeting I plan on going out back by the pool with my tiny shovel. I either lost one of them or my daughter hid it again to keep me out of the yard. I do keep an extra tiny shovel hidden…just in case.