#97 Knowledge is power but ignorance is bliss

So, the wait is over, and I know now what I knew all along. I do have to admit that just having a more recent scan is going to make  it easier for me to just show people the report whenever anyone has a need to know how I’m doing. Actually, it isn’t as bad as I thought it was which means that I’ll have more time to work with than I thought I would. Consider this good news… because I do. It could have been way worse than it is. I probably should call everyone I know and tell them all what I found out, but I’m not too sure that I want to be specific because when I do I get a lot of people who want to ask me a ton of questions on why I don’t do things like they think I should. I understand that there are many misconceptions about aggressive breast cancer, so I do try to give the people I love a little break on the questions. I know that they mean well no matter how hurtful some questions end up being… not to mention I’ve asked a few hurtful and rude questions myself over the years. I see my doctor on Wednesday to see what he thinks I should do because I won’t need hospice if I’m feeling well enough for a while. I was told that can go on and off hospice service as needed, and it only takes one phone call to start-up right away if I get to feeling very sick. On the other hand there are still things that I need that my insurance doesn’t cover. Also, if I have a pain crisis and have the need to take IV pain meds I don’t want to have to go to an emergency room because they always treat me like I’m a drug addict who ran out of her pills(even when I show them that I have all my full pill bottles in my purse). To say that I feel like I’ve been abused my er staff would be the understatement of the century! If I don’t stay on hospice I’ll have to find out very quickly what can be done for me without ever having to go the hospital again. That is definitely what I like about the hospice service the most, they always take such great care of all of me, not just my disease. I think I am going to have to do a bone scan still and I can manage that but if they start asking me about doing another biopsy I think I’m going to lose my mind all over someone. When I came out of the imaging place when I was done being scanned I found Rick waiting for me in the car, he had seen my post  on his Facebook page(on his cell phone)about me wanting carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. So, while he was waiting for me he drove to the store and bought me a cake-mix and frosting so that when we came home I could bake it. I made a whole bunch of cup-cakes and have been having them for breakfast yesterday and today. I have eaten a few others during the days but that’s not important. What is important is that I was a good girl so they gave me a snack and juice when I was leaving the imaging place and then Rick spoiled me with cup-cakes. I love that he still tries all the time to make me happy. He did do the vacuuming for me yesterday because I had been saying that I wanted to get that done. I left to go somewhere with my daughter and came back and the floors were mopped and the dishes were running in the dishwasher too…and I didn’t even ask him to do any of it. Other than being really tired and craving sweets, I think I’m doing just fine. If when I wake up tomorrow morning it isn’t raining like it was this morning I want to try going for a walk like we used to do all the time. I know that if I can get myself built back up enough(a little bit at a time) with walking I’ll feel better. I just hope that it gives me more energy and doesn’t back-fire.