Tag Archive | Kona coffee

#143 Yep, I’m still here

Even though Rick has been in a tizzy about getting his pc to work again I really didn’t want to miss out on my morning posts, luckily my lovely daughter suggested that I use the laptop that we gave her last year for Christmas to be able to write my posts with. Jesse can be a huge pain in the ass sometimes, but she also is the single most kind and generous person I’ve ever known. When we bought her this laptop we also bought two others for Justin and Ashley. And because we aren’t rich, we went to a reconditioned laptop store and were able to get all three, with new cases for less that we would have paid for one brand new one. All three kids were happy though because we had been telling them that there might not be any presents under the tree at all because we were hurting so badly financially. Rick would sell a kidney to be able to give our kids what they want for Christmas, but as they get older the presents seem to get more expensive…go figure.

So this year Rick and my mother want to have the holiday family get-together at our house. I tried to get out of it because I would have to go over my house with a fine tooth comb just so that I’m not embarrassed to have family here. Don’t get me wrong, they would probably not give a shit what my house looked like…it’s all me. I did manage to get the entire downstairs cleaned to my satisfaction, and then I spent the whole day yesterday trying to nurse the pain I had caused myself by doing things like reaching up with a swiffer duster while standing on one leg with nothing to hold on to just to clean my ceiling fan. Every time I touched the damn thing it started spinning around. Jesse and her best friend were told that they had to clean Jesse’s bathroom and the downstairs bathroom before I would give them the car keys to take all their friends skating. I still have to do a little more on the bathroom that Jesse ‘cleaned’,but at least she tried. She hates to clean.

This morning when the pharmacy opens I have to go and pick up my new meds. I haven’t taken this particular kind in years, but I do remember that one of the reasons that I didn’t want to keep taking them before was because they gave me way too much energy. Rick would have to demand that I sit in the recliner and take a break after six straight hours of doing chores. Now with as much as I need more energy just to do simple things, I’m hoping that it will work better for me this time. I do remember that it worked great for pain though so I can’t wait to see what happens.

Rick also told me yesterday that he wants to put up our Christmas tree today. I guess he wanted to have the house decorated before the family comes over. Last year he didn’t help at all, Diane and I had to do it ourselves while Rick watched TV pr played his games. To be honest I really don’t remember because I had my hands full of lights that someone had just thrown into a box. I am curious to see what decorations we have left. Every year more seem to hit the void. My favorites are the ones that my kids made for me when they were just old enough to be able to write their own names on them. I think everyone I know has at least one tiny little popsicle stick snow sled with glitter on it, and a red ribbon to hold it to a tree branch.
So today while Rick starts digging out all the Christmas decorations, I’ll be sitting in the middle of them all trying to figure out which lights are still in good working condition.  I’ll gently pick out the broken balls ans play where’s waldo to find enough extension cords to be able to plug everything in. I really don’t enjoy the process…but I love having the tree all lit up in the evenings leading up to Christmas. I also have a green and white wreath that hangs on my front door, this is the closest one to mine that I could find a picture of…except that my front doors are white so it looks really pretty. Happy holidays everyone. cin


#139 I just found out

I’ve been waiting, and not patiently I might add, to find out what my grandchild is going to be, and I just got off the phone with my son and his fiance. It’s a little girl! YAY!! 🙂 I had a feeling that it was a girl, but I didn’t want to tell everyone that and then be wrong. I figured that I would just wait and see. I love the idea of having a baby girl in the family. I do think that boys are easier to take care of, but it’s more fun to shop for a little girl. I was also told that the baby is to have my middle name, which I think is wonderful. Rose was the middle name of not just me, but also my great-grandmother, my aunt, my cousin’s little girl and probably a few more people on my dad’s side of my family that I’m not remembering right now. I don’t know for sure how the first name will be spelled so I won’t try to spell it because I don’t want to get in trouble for doing that. I have a feeling that this baby will have two wonderful parents tripping over themselves to make her happy…always a good thing in my book. Congratulations Justin and Ashley. 🙂

Rick has started making sugar cookies for us. Not for the holidays, just to snack on. I can’t remember a time in his life when he made cookies. I’m always the one who does all the baking, and every once in a while he would help me out a little, but for him to suddenly start baking took me by surprise. For his first attempt he did very well. I think they were as good, if not better, than the ones my mother and I make every year around Christmas. It can be very tricky to have a sugar cookie come out well. They weren’t dry and were perfectly baked( I did help with baking them), and I have to admit that I did eat most of them when he wasn’t looking. He wants to make another batch today, he wanted to do it last night but I talked him into waiting until the kitchen was cleaned so that he didn’t end up with a huge mess right before bedtime. I guess I’ll have to get up soon and start getting the kitchen ready for him to play in. He does have a habit of leaving flour trails every time he does anything where flour is involved in one of his kitchen projects.


I do have a few chores that I plan on tackling, and I’ve had my coffee and M&Ms already. My mom bought me a sharing size bag of M&Ms, but I have no intention of sharing them. I’ll share anything else in the world…but I can’t give up my sugar. I swear sugar is an addiction, probably one of the best kind of addictions for someone to have. I still have to call Jesse’s Dr to find out why he didn’t call in her meds yesterday, her throat is still healing very slowly so she still has some infection in there that needs continued antibiotics. I really hope that having the surgery will keep her from ever having anymore infections. I think she’s had enough of them to last her a lifetime.

It’s very quiet in the house this morning, so I’m enjoying it very much. So far today I’ve only seen Rick and the animals, Jess and Abraham are still sleeping. He’s the little boy that she’s been co-raising ever since he was born. He has to be the biggest three-year old I’ve ever seen, and he calls me Grandma Cindy, which makes it easier for me to have a little kid around. I normally don’t like having kids in the house because they move too fast for me and make too much noise…not to mention the messes they can make before you have time to stop them. But Abraham has become a part of the family and now I’m more used to having him here since Jess came back home. I know Rick just loves him to death, especially because they think very much alike. Rick freely admits to thinking along the same lines as a three-year old. We only have him over once in a while but he sure does take over the house when he’s here. I don’t have any idea how it happened but this young man looks exactly like my daughter…even more than he looks like his parents.


I went a very long time without any little ones around me, but it’s looking like I need to get used to the idea that my kids have grown into being parents themselves. I hope that I’ve done a good enough job for them to be able to do a good job too. Hopefully I can help them to make better choices than I did. I didn’t have a clue how to raise a child back then, and I flat-out refused to take anyone’s advice on how to raise my kids. I so wish that I had taken some of that advise because it would have made my kids lives so much better. I don’t want to over-step my boundaries so I’ll have to be careful about making sure my advice is welcome before I go giving my opinion. Anyone who knows me at all will understand how that might be difficult for me to do. Wish me luck. 😉

#137 I did it all by myself


Well I did a few things all by myself. First I found a way to fix this picture of Cali so that you can see what I saw in my kitchen window. I forgot to mention that she has thrown dirt out of this planter all over my garden window and I have to climb up on my counter to reach in there to clean it, so right now there’s dirt all over the place. I’ll get to it eventually. And, I cleaned my kitchen yesterday without anyone helping me…but I did have to take a break in the middle, and third I straightened up my front living room, although I still need to dust and vacuum that room and the others. I think I managed to accomplish a lot on one day…for me anyway. I didn’t even drink any more coffee than usual, but I did take something for pain that I don’t usually take so it worked better than my usual pills. Most people have to take a nap after taking anything for pain but for me every kind of pain pill works like caffeen.  They make me have less pain while also making me want to clean everything that I can. It works for me. And no, I didn’t take anything that I’m not supposed to take. My doctor changes my pain pills every few months back and forth between two different kinds so that when one of them stops working I can switch to the other one for a few months. That way I don’t build up a tolerance to either one of them and they keep working for my pain. If more doctors would do that with more people then there wouldn’t be so many people who are on ridiculous doses of any one drug.  I used to call them medicine, but someone I respect told me a long time ago that they are drugs and shouldn’t be confused with other kinds of medicines. That way you don’t forget to be very careful with what amounts you allow yourself to take. I’m so jealous of people who can first of all get through most of their lives without taking anything for pain at all, and also for those people who when they do have to take anything the tiniest dose works for the pain and they take a little nap and are fine when they wake up. I’m lucky that I’m able to sleep at night at all, but I’ve discovered Tylenol pm without the Tylenol. It’s actually just Benadryl, and I take it every night and I usually sleep just fine. I try not to take anything at all for pain at night because then I would be up all night wanting to clean something. You might be getting the impression by now that I’m a clean freak…but no. It’s my best friend who is a clean freak and she lives right across the street from me, and I’m embarrassed to have her see my house if it doesn’t look nice. She sometimes pops up without me knowing that she’s coming so just incase she does I try my ass off to have everything looking at least half way clean. I love having her over so I don’t want her to be uncomfortable being here. She even does the dishes after we have dinner or a bar-b-que, and I must be picking up on her habits because I’ve found myself doing her dishes when we go over to her house too. It’s so cold this morning that I had to put a hoodie on over my clothes as soon as I woke up. I love it when it’s cold outside, especially after having such a hot summer this year. I’m considering putting my Christmas decorations up a week or so early this year. I was talking to Diane yesterday and she was about to start putting hers up as soon as we were off the phone, maybe after I finish cleaning I’ll try to find someplace to put it. Last year I had it in my dining room, but that’s where all my plants are because I have windows on both walls in that corner, and I don’t know if it would be wise to put the plants anywhere where they wouldn’t get as much sun. The cold from those windows might be getting too cold for them anyway, so I’ll have to try putting a few of them in different places and see how they do before I put the tree there. I’m surprised that they’re still alive because while I was in the hospital with Jess for a week and a half Rick forgot to water them, so I had a lot of dead leaves to pick off when I finally came home. The plants are doing better now that they aren’t all dried out. I can’t be angry with Rick though because he had his hands full with a lot of other things and I came home to find everything else well taken care of. He even finish all of the laundry and cleaned all the floors. After I drink my coffee this morning I think I’ll try to finish my chores so I can look around and be very proud of myself for doing so much work. This is one of those times when I wish we had a smaller house, but if we did then I wouldn’t be able to get around as well in my wheelchair. I also have to write out everything that happened to Jesse in the hospital because one nurse didn’t take care of her when I came home to get some sleep. I’m  going to run this by Rick’s lawyer to see if he thinks that we need him to handle it or if we can just deal with it ourselves. I know it isn’t a huge law suit but I do think that they owe Jess some compensation for what they did to her, and we need to make sure that the hospital takes some kind of action against that nurse for causing Jesse to have to have medical intervention because of that nurse’s incompetence. I do have some pain in my shoulder and arm this morning but I think that I won’t notice it as much if I keep busy. I should probably start with cleaning up all the dirt that Cali threw out of the coffee cup planter.

#127 Another day, another bag of M&Ms

I’ve noticed that when I wake up in the morning I’m not always able to write my posts so I’ve let my morning writing slow down a lot lately. Sometimes I do get worked up about wanting to get something off my chest so then I do kind of force myself to sit at the computer and try to write about what ever is on my mind but it really takes a lot out of me now. You would think  that since I just slept for about ten hours that I would be well rested and ready to do things but these past few days it’s been all I could do to just make my coffee and feed Cali. I don’t feel sick and I don’t have a lot of pain, but I am extremely tired all day every day and I can’t figure out what to do to make myself feel any better. I take a multi vitamin with my coffee and morning meds (none of which make me tired) and I try to find something that I want to do in the mornings, but I’ve only been awake for a little while now and already I’m tired again. I’ve had a feeling in my right arm that feels like I have something pushing on a nerve, but that doesn’t bother me too much. It’s really more irritating than painful. Rick spent the day yesterday running around with Jess and then my mother because they wanted to take flowers to both my father and Rick’s father. It is kind of nice that both my and Rick’s dads have their ashes interned in the same veterans memorial cemetery. They are only about twenty feet apart so I like to say that they have matching ‘condos’. The only draw back of them both being there is that it’s such a long drive from home so I don’t go with them. I have a hard time getting ready to go anywhere so I tend to be careful what I do everyday so that I don’t try to do too much and end up stuck on the couch for a week to recover. Yesterday I was trying to find something to tell Rick that I was grateful for, but all I could think of was that there was at least some good movies on tv to keep me entertained. I know that Rick is going out of his mind from boredom and I do feel terrible that I’m not able to do very much, so I’ll have to come up with something that will give Rick something to do other than sit with me. Rick does try very hard not to push me or make me feel bad for not being active anymore but I still think that I should be able to find something to do that might make me feel better. I’ll settle for being able to clean the kitchen a few times a week so that Rick doesn’t have to do it all the time. Jess has been staying with us so it is much easier for us to help to make sure that she takes care of herself (I don’t think that she gets enough sleep) and make sure that she eats right. She has a kitten that has been trying to play with my two adult cats and Rick’s little dog and they don’t seem to think it’s funny when she jumps out at them while they’re laying down trying to sleep. Rick likes to play with the kitty so for him it’s like having a new toy(he’s always been a sucker for small furry animals). It is kind of funny to watch them all play. I guess I’ll go find a movie to watch while I rest from moving around this morning and then I have to call the new surgeon to see if it’s possible to have my tumor removed without causing any more problems. That’s the last thing I need. I hope everyone has a great day…I think I’m in a pretty good mood this morning.

#121 Did you hear me this time? Just asking

I’m feeling OK this morning, although I just woke up and I’m already tired. I had an interesting phone call yesterday from someone who was angry with me that I hadn’t told them about my tumor. It took me off guard because I had told this person about it the day that I found out about it and even took them the copy that I had of the report. I guess someone else had gone to this person recently and made a big deal about it and so I was getting yelled at for not making a bigger deal of it myself. I thought that I had explained everything well enough…I guess I was wrong. I didn’t feel the need to flip out about it and it wasn’t a big surprise anyway but how this person didn’t understand the word tumor when I first said it is beyond me. People tend to hear what they want to hear, at least that’s my experience lately, and I won’t be making a bigger deal of anything just to make a point. I was under the impression that everyone that I know has been reading everything that I write on here too, so again…I don’t think I was being secretive about anything. I had been asked by a family member to try not to upset everyone all the time and to try to be careful about how I say things, so that I don’t cause a panic. And I think that I have been careful with my words while still being completely honest about everything. I know that what I write on here could do a lot of harm, and that isn’t what I want at all. I just wanted to not have to repeat myself over and over again every time I find out something new. So, for clarity’s sake, let me be very clear on what’s happening with me lately. I’m mostly just tired and bitchy and don’t have too much pain, and what pain I do have is being managed very well. I do have a small tumor growing back right where the last ones were under my arm and it’s been there since my last surgery. There isn’t a chemo being suggested because I already had the chemo that would have been used on this kind of cancer and they don’t give it to anyone twice because of the damage it does to your organs. My lungs are doing OK, although I still have a cough all the time because of all the damage that I have from the chemo that I had before. As far as I know, there’s no need for panic at all. I’m doing fine right now. I could use more M&Ms though. I keep running out and I don’t notice my dish getting empty until I have just a few left. I really need to make it up to Sam’s Club Monday. We might be going near there on Monday anyway because Rick thinks that we have another defective karaoke machine. I’ve had to return three different machines in the past two years, luckily they were all under warranty so it didn’t cost us anything but time to get them replaced. I think we’re going to have to ask for another brand because it’s hard to believe that I’m getting all the defective machines, and we don’t really use it enough to burn out the lasers that fast. Singing makes me feel better so I don’t like going to turn on the machine and not being able to use it every time. I’m not OK with it only working when it feels like working. I think I should get a few free songs for all the trouble we’ve had from this machine, but I doubt that’s going to happen. Rick stepped into the pool yesterday and stepped right back out, apparently it has gotten too cold for swimming anymore, but I don’t care how cold it is as long as it’s clean and beautiful. It really makes a huge difference in how I feel when I go outside if the pool looks nice.  Now we need to get some more string for the weed eater, it’s just too hard to go out and pull the weeds anymore. Every once in a while I do still try though. If nothing else, I get a little bit more tan, and I could use the color right now. This is the size coffee cup I need this morning.

#120 Coffee anyone?

I was watching the local news yesterday morning and I saw a story about a woman who told all her friends and family that she had breast cancer and needed a double mastectomy and didn’t have insurance so she needed to pay cash for it. They had fund-raisers just for her and raised thousands of dollars. She didn’t have breast cancer at all, she just wanted a boob job. From what I heard on the news she ended up getting this boob job done before anyone found out that she was making it all up to get their money . The judge gave her a year in jail as punishment, and this woman said to the judge that she planned on paying all the money back a little bit at a  time when she gets out of jail. I think they should have taken the boobs back too. I can’t believe that someone would say that they have cancer when they don’t have it and never did. I still have people who think that because I don’t “look” that sick that my cancer is all better. I just can’t wrap my head around someone doing anything this terrible, and I don’t think her punishment was even close to being enough. Maybe two or three years in jail would have sat better with me. I’m sure that my own money problems don’t help with my opinion of her either. Our pool is looking perfect again, and just being able to see that everything is working again made me feel much better. I do still have to do a little bit of juggling do find a way to pay for everything else, but I’ll figure it out somehow. Rick is terrible with money so he’s agreed to put all of his money straight into my account and let me take care of the bills for a while. He always pays things backwards. I like to pay the largest bills first and the smallest ones last, he doesn’t do that and it makes me crazy when the most important things have to wait to be paid. That’s never a good idea. I have always taken care of the household bills before and we always had what we needed. I made sure that he always had a few bucks in his pocket and we were able to pay all the bills and still have some money left over to have friends over for parties, and that was with less money than we have coming in now. I’m trying to teach him how to stay within a budget, but he tries to spend small amounts that he thinks that I won’t notice then he’s shocked when I get angry that I don’t have all the money that I need to pay the bills when they’re due. I don’t understand why I get so upset about things like this when I never did before. I guess I can see a much larger picture now and I have way more things on my mind than paying the bills. I would love to be able to teach Rick how to manage everything, but it’s just easier right now if I do it myself. I just hope that I’m able to actually get to the bank when I need to. That was why I started letting Rick take care of everything in the first place. I was too sick to get in the car and go anywhere. I still never know what days I’ll be well enough to get up and do anything but I’ll have to at least give it a shot. In Rick’s defense…he has been buying lottery tickets so that we can one day win the lottery. He really believes that we’re going to be rich one day. If we do get rich I’ll be found back in Hawaii, on the beach with a drink in my hand. For now, my coffee will have to do.

#116 Bone scan today

I know that in the past I’ve been really very upset whenever I’ve had to go for any kind of testing , but for some reason I’m not worried at all about the bone scan I’m about to have this morning. I have to go in at 7:45 to have the nurse access my port  so they can give me the injection of radio-active crap, and then I have to go back again at 11:30 for the scan. Luckily I don’t have to fast at all for this one. I’m already having my coffee and M&Ms and it’s still dark outside. Rick saved the day yesterday by going to get me a brand new bottle of my favorite creamor and a great big bag of M&Ms. I had posted on my Facebook page yesterday that I was out of both of them and that was about to have a nervous break-down because of it so Rick said he was going to the store for milk and came home with all my favorite things. I’m so spoiled…but in a good way. I don’t know if it’s considered being spoiled if I appreciate it, but I do know that I’m forever grateful to Rick for being so good to me. I try to spoil him too but he’s one of those people who doesn’t want very much. As long as he has his computer, his cell phone and dinner on the table every night he’s about as happy as anyone I’ve ever seen. And he’s the one who does all the cooking so all that’s left for me to do it just to be nice to him. I set my alarm this morning for five am just in case I didn’t wake up on my own, and I accidentally woke him up when I was getting out of bed so he’s up with me this morning. I am curious to see what the scan says, but after the last scan I just don’t feel like this one is a very big deal. I figure that even if there is anything in my bones it wouldn’t make much of a difference because cancer in the bones isn’t as bad as if it were anywhere else…like in my lymph nodes, and I already know about that. I had a phone call from Justin and Ashley yesterday and it seems like they’re having a really hard time getting things to go well for them, and because Ash has my first grandchild growing in her belly I don’t like that they are so far away. I was happy for them that they wanted to move away far enough that they could start over with a clean slate, but now I don’t like it at all. I feel like I could be there so much more for them if they were closer to us. Hopefully things will get better for them and they won’t have to worry so much. I know that they are both doing the best that they can, and everybody has to learn life lessons on their own. I still wish that I could do more for them though. I like buying baby things and Rick is already trying to think of things that he can send to them. Rick’s a sucker for babies. It’s actually kind of cool outside this morning so I might be able to have my bath and make it all the way back downstairs without being covered in sweat. That would be very nice. I can’t wait until it’s really cold every day so I can wear something other than shorts and a tank top and we can keep the house opened up. I think Rick just fell back to sleep in his recliner so I better wake him up so we can both start getting ready to go to the imaging place. I feel pretty good this morning, no major pain and the coffee and M&Ms gave me  the energy that I need to climb back up the stairs. We have to leave a few minutes early because we are dropping Jesse of at her meeting with HR to talk to them about the report she made the other day about another employee being abusive to a client. She’s worried that they might fire her for reporting it but I really hope that they just want to get all the information on the incident so that they can take action to make sure it doesn’t happen again to anyone else. If they do fire her for this I may have to get involved but I try very hard to stay out of my kids problems unless they specifically ask for my help. With my big mouth that can be really hard for me to do, but I would rather they learn how to handle things on their own. Well, off I go to get ready to be poked and prodded, but if I’m a good girl during the scan they’ll give me a juice and a granola bar. Yay. 🙂 Rick and Bob look so cute sleeping together that I don’t wanna wake them up.