#148 The Best Friend & My Husband

Being someone’s best friend means a whole lot of responsibility. I have other friends but my #1 top of the list best friend has been proving herself to me in ways that I never dreamed would come into play in our relationship.

When I found out that I did have breast cancer for sure and had started making all the appointments for all the other Dr’s.  I kept trying to call Diane in between all the phone calls…but she never did answer the phone for that whole week. We do live less than a 1/2 mile from each other, and if I didn’t tell her about my diagnosis soon I was going to have a huge melt down. I was trying so hard to keep it together so I didn’t make everyone else lose it while I gave them my awful news. I couldn’t wait anymore so I got into my wheel chair and pushed myself on over to her house a few streets away. She was on the phone when I went into her kitchen to find her and as soon as she hung up with whoever she was talking to she looked at me and said “you have cancer don’t you.”, I shook my head yes and we sat down to drink coffee and talk for a while. She told me that she had purposefully been ignoring my calls because she couldn’t take hearing if for sure.

 

All the time we’ve had to deal with me being sick there was a never-ending flow of friends, family and many gifts, some of paintings, some flowers were sent to me and some people sent me money when I really needed it the most. Let’s not forger the pounds and pounds of M&Ms that I couldn’t help eating…I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings ya know.

Anyway, we have had some people offer to help out around the house or just sit and read with me because my eyes don’t focus very well anymore. But for every ten people who offered to help us out only one or two actually came to help at all. I know people mean well when they offer help but that’s not something that anyone should take lightly. I really did need the help that was offered but we ended up going without or just doing the best we could to keep the house looking at least partially clean. Especially now when I have a 24 hr cough that never goes away. I couldn’t handle getting any more health problems. Here where I live we’ve been getting a lot of dust in the air (even inside through the filters).

 

When my sister Elaine decided to come to visit and stay with me, literally at my side, she did everything she could do to take care of me. She was amazing at remembering when all of my meds were due and she jumped awake every time I had a coughing fit in the middle of the night. Again I’ll never remember everything that she did but I could never thank her enough.

 

When Elaine went back home last month my bff Diane literally moved into my guest room so that she and Rick could take turns taking care of me when I needed someone to help me . Between the two of them I’m well looked after. I  had trouble all along with letting anyone help me take a bath but I’ve been told to only move when I absolutely have to. I broke down and with the help of a shower chair Diane has now seen all the scars from all the missing body parts and procedure scars. She’s been my friend for about 27 years now and I’ve never let her see all old my scars so I thought she might be a little shocked, she wasn’t and I now have baths more often that I could before. That’s not all she does. I won’t give you a list but she and Rich are taking turns with doing everything in the house, except when Jesse’s friend Danny stays over night to listen for my cough (Jesse works nights) and Rick and Diane are running on empty. I wish that I could do more than say thank you to them all the time but I think that I make it very clear how appreciative that Diane left her own family at her house and came here to care for me.

 

For those of you who understand bc lingo, it’s 6x9cm now and counting. My lungs are giving me a problem, but only when I want to breath so I’m working on holding my breath as long as I can at a time. I have to get back into bed now . I can’t believe that writing takes all my energy right out of me. My one and only thing left that I really love to do and it’s slowly fading away…just like everything else it seems. I’m trying to stay in a good mood and since I’ve needed him home all the time I decided that Rick should accept an invitation to go our for crab legs. He loves that kind of food but I never did so he’s probably missed out on a whole lot of having it for dinner. I promised him I would still be alive when he came home and scooted him out the door. He really deserves a night with a friend right now.

 

#147 Thank God my nurse works night shifts

Yesterday I wasn’t doing very well and I was in a terrible amount of pain. Normally I would be able to push the button on my IV pain meds and then I would feel a little bit better. When I push that  button it gives me a whole hours worth of pain meds all at once. I know that I have a nurse coming this morning to set up a new IV bag so I figured I would just wait for her to come and tell her that my pain button wasn’t working for the extra pain meds. I guess it was about 9pm last night when everything on my IV meds quit working at all. The only pain meds that I take are in that bag so I hadn’t been getting pain meds for hours before I knew what was happening and I had to call my nurse late last night to ask her to come to my house right away and fix it. She was yawning when I was telling her on the phone what was happening, but she came right over.

I told her that I was really sorry that I had called her at home after she had worked all day but she made me feel better about calling her. I like my nurse…she understands what the pain can do to people. She ended up having to take the needle out of my port and insert a new needle and luckily the new one flushed perfectly. I was in so much pain by the time that she had it working right again that I actually felt the pain meds go into my body, normally I wouldn’t feel the pain meds at all. I asked her why that would happen and she said that I was moving around too much. I hardly do anything at all and now just taking a bath is a big deal. I don’t know how I can do less that I already do.I think I’ll spend my time watching a movie this morning so I don’t try to clean anything because I know I’ll hurt myself if I do. I do have a box of M&Ms and a pot of fresh coffee to comfort me.

My best friend Daine was here for days doing dishes and cleaning my floors so I think that just watching her do all the work that she did was what hurt me. I did probably do one or two things without realizing I was doing anything at all because she was doing so much. I don’t know how she has put up with me for twenty seven years (I think), but she’s the only reason that my house looks as good as it does. Thank you Daine! I hope you’re coming back soon, but for visiting or watching a movie or something.

 

Home

 

Fantastic news: Cindy is back home, resting comfortably. 🙂 We arrived home to a delicious homemade potatoe and ham soup with onions an pineapple and lots of love that Rick cooked (mmmm mmmm good!!)

Cindy had her evening graham crackers and milk, got comfy in bed then I got to read her a couple chapters in her book with recorded sounds of thunder and rain lulling her to sleep. She says she knows it sounds silly, but me reading to her helps her relax and makes her happy. What a wonderful gift to be able to offer: words of a delightful book read with love … giving a peaceful way to drift into dreamland. Gosh am I lucky! I will cherish these moments and create more memories for us both … and you all, too.

I am gonna get some rest and dance in my dreams to the thunder and rain recording that has created a calm allowing cindy to sleep soundly for several hours!

Merry Christmas, Cindy!

What do you do when Holiday Angels give a gift allowing a dream to become reality?

 Say “Thank you!” and live your dream!

I am in Phoenix, Arizona, sharing Christmas and a few weeks with Cindy! I’m so excited and appreciative and amazed at the generousity of some wonderful people.

I flew in on Christmas Day -I almost got stuck at the Dallas-Fort Worth airport after they were given a White Christmas with a side of ice … seems air planes have difficulty navigating ice-y patches and they aren’t equipped for this type of adverse weather. My original flight was cancelled and I was put on Stand By on another flight. There was a kind American Airlines’ Ticket Agent, who granted me the final seat on the last plane leaving Dallas due to ice. Another Holiday Angel =0)  I arrived at 11:30pm to find Rick and Mom waiting patiently after several delays. Mom said something along the lines that with all the chaos my luggage may not have made it, I said I could really care less! I had arrived safely, with everyone else, and that’s what really mattered most to me. Turns out, the luggage was all there! Another blessing!

This morning Cindy called the house and thought she might be coming home (she’s been in-patient getting her pain meds regulated, it’s been a challenge but under control now) -but that will be tomorrow! =0)  Mom and Rick dropped me off around 3pm and I’ve spent the day with dear Cindy. We chatted and joked with each other and some of the nurses <>  and relaxed. Tonight we had dinner, Cindy read some more of her book, by Fannie Flagg, “Can’t Wait to Get to Heaven” and I caught up with some work online. Now, Cindy’s dozing, waiting for the night-time meds to help her sleep through the night. 

Mom and Rick also took me to the National Memorial Cemetery of Arizona. It was the first time I’d been to Dad’s final resting place. I was amazed at the enormity of the Cemetery -so many, who gave so much, so we could have all we do. I took pictures of the Seals of the 5 branches of military,  the cemetery, and Dad’s wall placard. I wasn’t emotionally able to go before now. I’m in such a better place now; I’ve learned a lot about life and death this year. I’m not afraid of death now.  I truly believe and accept that life is a mere part of our journey and death is the beginning of the next chapter. Now, Dad’s memories aren’t painful; they are moments I can cherish. Bittersweet that it’s taken so very long to accept this.

Anyways!

To all my Holiday Angels: Thank you for shining your light on me and my loved ones ~

Checking In

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Great News!

That wonderfully delicate balance of pain meds has been reached!  I feel so relieved that now things will begin a new “normal”.  I get to work tomorrow so it’ll be in the late evening before I can post again, but I’m looking forward to Cindy’s input & responses to your comments. Today’s the first day things have been well regulated, so tomorrow will be a day spent resting. Who couldn’t use a day of rest? LOL

Check back tomorrow late evening for an update!

Oh, and do a Happy Dance for Cindy!

 

 

NDY

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and She’s Back! (well, real soon!)

Sparky playing “Do it again!”

Morning Folks!

I was up and thinking about Cindy and wanted to talk with her, but figured with the time difference, calling would not be the best idea -can you imagine someone calling at 530am … without an emergency? I wouldn’t be too happy, myself! So I goofed around on WordPress, read some cool stuff & came back here to check for comments that may need to be addressed & find that Cindy’s been up for quite some time -she’s got a major blog in the works for you all!
No spoiler alert beyond Cindy will be posting today 🙂

Welcome back, Cin! I love you!

 

Missing from the Presidential Suite ….

I’ll cut right to the chase. The sky is blue. The sun is really a star. The moon was full last week. Dogs like to jump and give wet kisses. Bicycles have two wheels -I prefer cars, they have four wheels and protect you more during inclement weather. Yes, I’m still in a great mood!

Oh my! I got off track, so sorry! Jess was discharged late this morning 🙂  I haven’t been able to talk to either Cindy or Jess yet, but I texted Rick after I called the Presidential Suite and the phone just rang and rang and rang. Rick said Jess’d been discharged & they were running errands -which I hope consisted of getting her meds & Ensure drinks and perhaps puddings & Icees. Then Justin called and wanted to talk with Cindy. So, after all that, I’m guessing exhaustion hit and hit hard!

Cindy was beginning to sound tired again last night as Jess began to be able to drink the Strawberry Ensure. Then Jess had almost finished an Icee! The really nice nurse came in & stated that Jess looked better and Cindy said she agreed. The difference from yesterday afternoon to evening was dramatic -in a fantastic way! I had not anticipated it being so great, but sometimes, when doctors/nurses listen & hear what a parent tells them about their child, sometimes things turn around. This was one of those times. Chalk another one up for Moms!!

Well, I guess I’ll go on and publish this so you all can rest easy knowing Jess is much better & both are safely home in their snuggle-ly beds. Tomorrow we’ll check in and see how Cindy’s doing now that she doesn’t have to be Super-Mom. I want to be confident she’ll be alright after a day or so.  However, my confidence may not be based in reality … but I can still hope! There’s ~always~ hope!

Good Night All!

Now it’s time for everyone to get a nice massage. Yes, seriously! Schedule one ASAP =0)

 

and the Cycle Repeats ….

So, after a couple of days with the nurses taking good care of Jess, the ‘Wrath of a Sick Child’s Mother” was unleashed yet again today. A doctor came in and decided that it was time to ween Jess from her IV pain meds and have her take them by pill …. nothing else needs to be said -well, after you consider this:

Jess has been in the hospital for about a week, she’s had surgery, and in worse shape now than when she was admitted. Jess can’t even have water in her mouth because it burns (water!). She tried pudding yesterday & it had to be suctioned out, she couldn’t swallow it. No sprite, no Ensure -just little bits of an icee now and then. It’s been almost 3 days now and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

Back to the Doctor’s decision, she wanted to have Jess start taking pain meds by pills! Cindy let loose, apparently -while in the Presidential Suite- an angry Mom screaming at the doctor, crying in frustration, that her daughter is getting worse under their care and that there’s a malpractice attorney on retainer changes things a bit. Nothing has been ‘normal’ since they were admitted, so now it’s time to think outside the box. Treat Jess as an individual, not a statistic. Evaluate how she is responding and adjust already!!!  After all the dust settled, the doctor determined that perhaps increasing the pain meds (by IV) would allow Jess to continue to try to swallow things with less pain and just maybe get some type of nutrition in her.  Toradol (sp?) has been added to the IV & is supposed to help with inflammation, pain and something else and the surgeon due back in to check on things Monday.

I’m outta here for now -gotta go enjoy the best mood I have been in for years! May you all have wonderful days ahead soon!